Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
July 10, 2025, 01:56:10 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
How would a child understand?
Shame, a Powerful, Painful and Potentially Dangerous Emotion
Was Part of Your Childhood Deprived by Emotional Incest?
Have Your Parents Put You at Risk for Psychopathology
Resentment: Maybe She Was Doing the...
91
BPDFamily.com
>
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
>
Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
> Topic:
Won't help self
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Won't help self (Read 672 times)
Shona
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Sibling
Posts: 10
Won't help self
«
on:
May 01, 2019, 06:23:07 PM »
Hi
I am based in NZ with a sister in late 40's with BPD, and the family has watched the cycle that has gone over the years, and I am just wondering if others see this?
She goes from a very assertive phase which becomes harassment towards family members or people have helped her in the past. This causes these people a lot of stress, and can go on for a year at a time.
She then moves into a stage of being unstable and won't accept help. Then she hits rock bottom and often gets admitted into the pysch ward.
Then she goes through a phase of being compliant and nice, but suffers from huge anxiety and acts like a victim and won't help herself, even though she has all sorts of mental health workers working with her. In the past she gets suicidal and the drs have her all serequil, which she takes all at once so she can go to sleep all day. She has been in this phase for 5 mns now, although doesn't seem suicidal.
She is on a waiting list to see a physiologist for ages, and has a carer support and a social worker, but it seems obvious to me that she needs a specialist to talk to that has experience with dealing with cognitive thinking and how she can change her thoughts. But the public system doesn't provide anything short term like that, other than psychologists which have such a long wait time.
I have offered her to come and stay at my house, where I have two of her older children (the youngest was taken off her shortly before she went into hospital 6 mns ago), but she won't accept any help.
Is it best just to leave her to process all this and get through this stage, or push the public system to do something (I have already made two complaints and am waiting to hear back from her pysiciatrist, as I don't think she should be given high doses of serequil (5/day) as they are just numbing her.
She is just so resistant to helping herself or accepting help!
Logged
Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12183
Dad to my wolf pack
Re: Won't help self
«
Reply #1 on:
May 01, 2019, 11:00:47 PM »
My mom was first put on Prozac for her depression, and my mom hated how it made her feel, maybe numb as you say. That was 1989.
Do you think you and the kids would be safe if she moved in? As my T put it many years later, "you have a home, not a hospital, and your mom needs a hospital." I still felt I had to do something, but the safety of me and my little kids (i felt because i take care of them) took precedence.
Logged
“For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Shona
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Sibling
Posts: 10
Re: Won't help self
«
Reply #2 on:
May 02, 2019, 03:34:40 AM »
LOL, no I was only going to let her stay temporarily for a week or something. Won't make that mistake of letting her move in again!
Logged
Harri
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 5981
Re: Won't help self
«
Reply #3 on:
May 02, 2019, 10:41:19 AM »
Hi
Shona
and welcome to the board! Glad to meet you.
I am not sure how to help someone who refuses help and refuses to help their self. What a difficult and heartbreaking situation.
Excerpt
Is it best just to leave her to process all this and get through this stage, or push the public system to do something (I have already made two complaints and am waiting to hear back from her pysiciatrist, as I don't think she should be given high doses of serequil (5/day) as they are just numbing her.
She is just so resistant to helping herself or accepting help!
I would say both. Leave her to process this as best she can while she continues to get support from the agencies she is already using *and* follow through by calling the psychiatrist so he/she knows how she is utilizing the meds.
I am not sure how things work in NZ. Do they require that someone is a danger to their self or others before they will intervene? How has she acted in the past that has resulted in her being admitted?
Sorry, I have not answers for you! I wish I did. We can help you and support you though as you work through and process all of this.
Logged
"What is to give light must endure burning." ~Viktor Frankl
Shona
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Sibling
Posts: 10
Re: Won't help self
«
Reply #4 on:
May 05, 2019, 07:12:07 PM »
Thanks.
I was wondering if this was all normal BPD behavour? eg going through the different cycles and not wanting to help self or accept help?
She is now in suicidal stage so I have pushed again for her to get some treatment and cc it to our prime minister!
Logged
Hopeandjoy
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Family other
Posts: 71
Re: Won't help self
«
Reply #5 on:
May 05, 2019, 07:28:58 PM »
A pwBPD is a person who has been invalidated and overpowered in the past. Regardless of how she developed these behaviors, its up to her to find a new lifestyle. pwBPD lack life skills to take care of and hold on to their self in social interactions. They know that if they don't do anything, they get pushed over. It sounds like she's trying to "do something" by doing the opposite (becoming aggressive), then it blows up in her face and she gets saddled with the consequences. Unfortunately the psych ward and medications are not teaching her anything useful, she needs to find new ways of interacting with people that actually work.
You do not have to help your sister if you don't want to. It sounds like you would like to see her get better though. It's best to support without doing her job for her. learn how to properly assert yourself so that you can be happy despite her behavior. see your sister as a person equally deserving of respect and when she comes to you for help or you clash leave her diagnosis out of it. The idea of personality disorders is only a point of reference for a behavior set, so you can get information and reach out for help.
If you are trying to selvage a r/s with someone who has BPD, it's better for you to get treatment. Most of the time if you become a healthy person the pwBPD will learn from you and they will shift as well, depending on how much time you spend together.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
>
Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
> Topic:
Won't help self
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...