Doing The Deed

[starryeyed]

Hello -
I recently have found out that my husband has BPD traits.  I'm in the withdraw stage and researching tools to pull myself out of it.  I have little interest of being around him in fear of saying, appearing, doing something wrong.  It feels like I'm constantly being tested.  I'm learning to take care of myself and put me first, however since I'm not past this stage of withdraw is it selfish of me to not want to "do the deed" with him?  I don't feel connected or safe to have discussions with him.  I don't mean to withhold this from him to punish him, I just don't want to give myself away to him at this point.  Has anyone else dealt with this or how to talk about it? 
Thanks in advance.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi starryeyed,

I'm in the withdraw stage and researching tools to pull myself out of it.

can you tell us more about the withdraw stage practically speaking? have you informed him, sought a lawyer, any of that sort of thing?