Article about detachment

[nomodrama]

Hi, I thought this article about detachment has some good points, especially the part about getting a clear reason for detaching  who, what, why, how, when.
It will help me when I'm feeling the need to engage with my pwBPD sister.

https://thoughtcatalog.com/nadine-hocson/2015/05/10-gradual-steps-to-successfully-detach-yourself-from-what-youre-holding-onto/

[Kwamina]

Hi nomodrama

How have you been? I believe you quite recently went NC with your sister right, how are things now?

Detaching can be a very hard, yet also liberating process. What did/do you consider your main reason for detaching from your sister?

The Board Parrot

[nomodrama]

Hi Kwamina,

Thank you for checking on me.
I'll take this invitation to update you all

I actually just got done journaling about detachment cuz I've been tempted to make contact. I need to be clear on the WHY as that article talks about. I do love my sister, but I have come to accept that I have to protect myself, there will be losses dealing with any mental illness, I am not willing to lose anymore. So my loss is the sister I wish I could have.

Our mom is in a nursing type facilty on hospice, May 9 was the one year anniversary of the fall that brought mom to the memory care facilty.
Main reason for my detachment was/is that pwBPD sister brought up her suicide attempt 8 months later, out of the blue when she was raging mad that I called her out for yelling and swearing at the Elder Caregiver company manager and so she accused me of not calling her after she texted to me (during a text argument/ her raging at me) that she was thinking about taking a bottle of pills. July 26 2018 was that first threat, we had many conversations since and then April 1 2019 she accused me of not doing the right thing when she was suicidal.
I was sick and in FOG for a week after this April, saw my therapist who suggested sister was pwBPD.
I started seeing this therapist two years ago when I was having emotional trouble managing my life with super busy work and marriage relating issues while my mom and sister were constantly fighting about mom not driving anymore, having falls, demensia, living alone, it was a stressful time and my sister was undiagnosed pwBPD full-on, it was those two going at it, mom paying sister's mortgage while sisters husband didnt work so he could stay in bed on vicodin. My mom was giving them $500 a month for over a year while they collected welfare on opiates, not working, real classy stuff.
They live in another state 700 miles from me, I moved away 19 years ago after getting married. My dad passed away 15 yrs ago.

Ok so yeah, I went to a therapist to help me deal.
I really dont want to think where I would be mentally without having the ability to have a quality therapist through this situation.
Theres more, my brother's wife had a nervous breakdown, he is power of attorney for mom.

Before that happened sister pwBPD told my brother (in anger at me for asking her to be nice to our mom), told him I was seeing a psychiatrist and on drugs, I heard her tell this lie about me, that was two weeks before her "suicidal ideation".

Bottom line reason for detachment and NC is I have worked hard for the nice life I have, I feel she is going to drag me down with her if I am in any way involved with, speaking or texting with her if she does go through with a suicide attempt. I don't want to be involved and have it haunt me the rest of my life so I am choosing detachment and NC.

I have days of FOG still but I am coming to a place of more acceptance.
I choose me.

Therapy worked, she steered me to self care through all of this and I am really fortunate and grateful for the life I have, I want to live it fully and happily. I have an awesome, supportive and sweet husband and two dogs. Next April I will be 50, I have a LIFE to live.

Feelings of obligation come to me but my sister has 4 adult children, they can deal with her and her emotional blackmail B. S.. I'm not putting myself in her crosshairs anymore.

The END
(Haha so I hope

[JNChell]

Hi nomodrama. You’re making very difficult choices right now. Always look ahead and consider your past.

49 is young. What are you gonna do this year?

[nomodrama]

Hi JNChell,

Thank you for asking!
I have sabbatical for 3 months this summer so lots of self care planned. A few trips planned , spoiling my 13 yo dog. Camping. I'll be spending as much time as I can in nature after 25yrs in a cubicle.
I have not told my family about my sabbatical since I dont want any low vibes sent my way.

I've been listening to audio books like Power of Now and Wayne Dyer and I keep practicing mindfulness.
My 84 yo mom in elder care with the demencia has given me a new perspective on life, its short, time to live it up now.

[JNChell]

I appreciate the sentiment and I’ll await your answer.   

[nomodrama]

On my phone with tiny keyboard
I had a whole long response but must have hit the back button.

[nomodrama]

Have you ever felt the light of the moon?
Have you ever tried to scream in silence?
Never looked back, no use
All I ever wanted was to live on an island

Never let a good man down
Have you ever seen a sad man smiling?
I never understood this world
All I really want is to live it up, live it up now.

Live it up, live it up now
Above the Storm
Live it up, live it up now

Have you ever seen a break in the cloud?
The rain's falling down but the sunshine's shining
Do you ever get lost in the sound?
Turn it up loud, but the sound keeps dying

I wonder where you go when you die?
It's a mystery but I think our soul starts flying
I don't want to wait so long
All you got to do is live it up, live it up now

Live it up, live it up now
Above the Storm
Live it up, live it up now

Close your eyes for a moment,
Focus on the air that you breathe
Think good thoughts and now hold them,
Now you slip into a dream.

And now you slip away to another place
Above the storms and rain,
You're miles away, you're miles away

If you're just now waking up,
I want to send you all some love
And I do it just because
I'll find a way

Just like a tale as old as time
We've been having a good time
Paint the story of a life
Get high with me
I've been holding on for years
I've been facing all these fears
I'm not afraid

So when you put your head to rest
Man I wish you all the best
For this life we have been blessed
I could die today, give thanks and praise

Author: Scott Woodruff

[JNChell]

Scott Wooduff is a talented writer. I imagine that his words came from a lot of deep thinking and reflection. One line that sticks out to me is “Have you ever seen a sad man smiling”. That gives me reasons to reflect. Keep going.