Hi. I want to join
Kwamina in saying welcome!
I am sorry things are so rough right now and that you experienced and still experience such abuse from your mom.
I am reading stop walking on eggshells and am relieved to know that I am not crazy and this abuse is not my fault.
Yep, it is not your fault. None of what happened to you was your fault. Your mom acting and talking the way she does now is not your fault either.
In addition to boundaries, which we can help you with, I suggest learning about certain behaviors that are associated with BPD. Actually, all people do these behaviors, but to a lesser extent than pwBPD. Learning about
Projection was what helped me the most when I first learned about BPD. It helped me to see that little of what my mom said and did to me was actually about me, it was all about her and offloading all the difficult feelings she felt and could not cope with. See what you think of the article and we can talk more about it.
Depersonalizing the behaviors of your mom will allow you to focus more on responding rather than reacting which will make setting boundaries and self care and taking care of your kids a bit easier.
I hope we hear more from you soon. In the mean time, settle in, read, post in other threads. We all support and help each other as we work on recovery.