I had to have my husband removed from our home

[MRS B]

I am in the middle of the book walking on egg shells, I began to read it because my husband has BPD. Two weeks ago I had to have him removed from our home.  It was very painful. I miss him but the time apart has helped me clear my head and work on letting go of the guilt I feel. I have a appointment to see a Therapist but it is still another 12 days away. I really felt the need to reach out to someone who understands how much this sucks.

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[I Am Redeemed]

Hi Mrs B,

I am sorry for what brings you here, but I am glad you found us. Can you tell us a little more about your relationship, and what led you to have your husband removed from your home? That is definitely a painful thing to have to go through, and I am glad you are using this time to work on getting your own "head space" clear. Are you feeling guilty because of your decision to have him removed?

How long have you known he has BPD?

I am glad that you will be seeing a therapist. Many of us here have found therapy to be a necessity for keeping ourselves stable, because the intense nature of these relationships can certainly take a toll.

Please post some more when you feel up to it, and again, welcome to BPD Family.

Blessings and peace,

Redeemed

[MRS B]

I have know my husband has BPD for many years, he is also BiPolar.  He has had treatment for both in the past.  He has seemed out of control for about two three months.  He was so full of anger at everyone and gambling away a chunk of our money.  Our adult son has been staying with us and my husband wanted him to get him some Pot.   My son said no and not in a constructive way.  At that moment he was trying to kick him out  when I tried to intervene he kicked me out to. After trying to stand up for my self I ended up going over to my daughters place to let things calm down.  The next day my son and I tried to come back and I got a text at work that my husband was not letting us live there. I came home to try and talk with him by myself and I did not handle it very well either. He ended up trying to pull me down on the ground so I could not take anything out of the house.  I put a temporary  his debt card that night to prevent him from gambling the rest of our money so to retaliate he took everything out of our accounts the next morning shut my cell phone off. I ended up getting a order of protection. He violated it five min after getting it by calling an threatening me with "gun play".  I of coarse contacted the police.  He went to the VA hospital for a 72 hour hold and was arrested after that.  He is out and he is calmer but still says this is all our fault.  We are now trying to talk.  He is going to a treatment outside of the state in July but he is living in a motel right now.  He wants to come home but he still seems angry and I don't feel safe with him here.  He says he understands but then turns and tells me if our son would have went and got him a bag it would not have happened.
Everything feels very crazy.  My adult children are trying to be there for both of us but they have a lot of resentment toward their father and some for me for staying with him.  Because of the order of Protection my daughter tried to be his support system and called me a saint LOL because he goes from charming and wonderful to angry and resentful in a second.
What I find most difficult is I love him.  When he is stable we can have a lot of fun.  We have a lot in common and he is my best friend.  We have been married 31 years.  I am not planning to divorce him but I am just so tired. Both of us had a sibling pass away in the last year and have been dealing with grief. I have two elderly parents one in the nursing home and the other I have to help out. I have tried to be there for our son who seems to be suffering with his own mental health. I just have to halt and take care of me first for a while.

[I Am Redeemed]

I'm so sorry, Mrs B, that is a very hard thing to go through, especially with elderly parents and losing a sibling, too   I think you are right that you need some space to take care of yourself right now. Have you considered seeing a counselor for your own well-being? These relationships can take a toll on us mentally and emotionally.

Will the treatment center be for the mental health issues, or drug use, or both? Drug use can absolutely make the mental health issues worse, but unfortunately many people who have mental disorders turn to substances to self medicate.

I hope you will settle in here, read some of the articles and read and respond to others' posts. You are not alone, and there are people here who have had success using the relationship tools and have seen some improvement in their relationships. We're here to support you, and again, I am glad you are here.

[GaGrl]

It is not unusual for children of persons with BPD to present the non-BPD parent for staying and "sticking it out." My stepchildren all urged their dad to divorce their mother when they were teens - - they did not realize that he stayed because he thought that was best for them at that time.

It sounds as if your daughter is appreciating what your life has entailed.