Back again

[KHC_33]

Well I am back again.
Too tired to tell the story. Give me a few days. My daughter I will say is out of the house now. N/C and so forth.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi KHC_33

Welcome back, I've been wondering how you are. Take your good time, you sound exhausted. 

We're here.

WDx

[KHC_33]

I really need to move forward. It's over and done with. The emotion still raw at times especially at night.

[FaithHopeLove]

Whenever you are ready to talk we are here KFC
We had to throw our BPD son out of the house 2 years ago after quite a bit of drama. My feelings were all over the place, anger, guilt, frustration, sadness and more but mostly relief. Take it easy. You are not alone.

[KHC_33]

My last email. I know this will be N/C for a while.

Hope,

I really hope you get the help you need. I am concerned about the choices you made as you haven't known ________ (hasn't been even a year). You have no idea her history, her life or anything. You did the same with ________ and her family. Now you are running again to people you really don't know.

I know nothing will be private between us as I send this. I do hope you keep it as it is only meant for you.

Whatever you believe in your mind or whatever thoughts you feed know that I do love you, Dad loves you, Grandma and ________ loves you. We always have. No one is perfect. When you did what you did, you were reckless. Alone in a hotel with guys. Alcohol. Probably drugs. Underage drinking. You were dangerous and you were acting in BPD mode. That was not okay.

I won't apologize for the ultimatum or choices I gave you. It wasn't a threat as you so feel it was. It was a choice. You were given choices. You came home but you still had consequences for your behavior. I don't think you were feeling unsafe. You were overwhelmed that made you feel unsafe in yourself. You chose not to follow the rules and boundaries at home - it was time to pack your stuff and get you on your own.

I had been doing round the clock care with Great Grandpa and Grandma for an entire week. Barely any sleep, stressed and dealing with my family. All I wanted was my girls to give me some space to handle what I needed to do to be there for what was happening with him and Grandma. I was tired and frustrated that you weren't thinking once again about anyone else but 'yourself.'

Patience only goes so far. As much as we all love you, the entire family knows you are very sick. You need professional help. ________ isn't a professional. Remember she came to ________ seeking help for her daughter. Vanna never been inside a mental hospital or even into counseling for self harm or her issues. She's never been assested for a mental health as you have been. We fought to get you the help, support and services you needed in ________ and ________.

You on the other hand have a serious health and mental health disorder. I hope you do learn to navigate and put all the tools in place. Remember what I taught you about trusting people especially with private stuff. If anything, remember there's people you need to keep in your outer circle. You are influenced way too easy and rush way to quickly (same with ________).

I know ________ will look out for you. I trust her. As much as it hurts to let you go it's been lovely. The house is calmer and we don't have to fear whenever you are going to have an episode or suicide. Sure you need to make mistakes but your mistakes could come with severe consequences/costs and that's what scared me when you were in ________. I was all the way in ________ and I could not save you if needed.

Instead of waiting for me to come home Sunday to discuss or calling ________ as a part of your safety plan and going to the hospital you took irreversible steps that threatened your sister's safety by not following safety plan with ________, going to the hospital and going to ________. ________ would have been completely fine. When she was at ________'s her calcium was extremely low. If anyone was unsafe it was you. You were doing drugs, not on your BPD meds, doing drugs infront of ________, having drugs in your room, the list goes on.

Should anything happen to us as we only have today and this moment. I want you to know I have always fiercely love you. We all do. I am your Mom. You always said I was your best friend. Your worse fear was loosing my Mom.

If something happens if I am not here one day remember when I gave birth to you. You were my Hope. I can't ever fulfill you or make you feel okay. You have to fulfill yourself. Yes I made mistakes as all parents do. I take responsiblity that maybe I did overreact but I was exhausted and sleep deprived with Grandpa.

Remember we didn't leave you. You left us. You abandoned your family. You chose to make the choices you did and not deal with consequences. I hope one day you realize that.

I am sad we won't see you graduate, or enjoy the summer.

I am happy you are finally making choices to grow up and be an adult. I dislike how it happened but it is a blessing. We don't have to worry anymore. Yes we do forgive you but we can't trust you.

If we never speak again. Tough love sucks at times. We absolutely hate it but it's needed. We all need to heal. Only way out is in - ________. This is just another opportunity to heal.

Just know wherever you are. We do love you. Be well wherever you go. Be safe.

Mom

[Swimmy55]

This is a beautiful message. I recently went through similar event with my adult son . Painful, but out of control life threatening actions are non negotiable.  Our thoughts are with you and please share more as you are able to .