Every time I make her go to counseling it ends within a few weeks

[Parents! Get help here!]

 
Hello all,
  My daughter has BPD and it’s going to kill me, she doesn’t want help, every time I MAKE her go to counseling it ends within a few weeks and now she’s on drugs, we, on top of this , lost mom to a car accident 5 years ago so we/I are dealing with this all alone and it’s literally killing me to watch her ruin her life.
    

[Debianation]

 
Hello all,
  My daughter has BPD and it’s going to kill me, she doesn’t want help, every time I MAKE her go to counseling it ends within a few weeks and now she’s on drugs, we, on top of this , lost mom to a car accident 5 years ago so we/I are dealing with this all alone and it’s literally killing me to watch her ruin her life.
    

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Debianation
Welcome to the group. I am glad you found us and sorry for what brings you here. I am sorry for the loss of your mother and for the sheer agony of having a child with BPD. My 25 year old son also has BPD and also uses and sells drugs. I get how frustrating it can be. Sometimes I also feel like I am "hitting bottom" but I have the support of this great group and now you do too. We can't change our loved ones. They are who they are and will only change when they are ready. What we CAN do is learn communication skills that work with bpd people and that often improves our relationships. What else are you comfortable sharing with us? How old is your daughter? Does she live with you? How can we help?
Love,
Faith

[Debianation]

She is 17. At home. Senior this coming semester.
I’ve tried getting her into treatment but she refused so I feel helpless at the hands of her disease

[nevergupmom]

Welcome Deb-
 You are in good company.  I've only been posting a week, ..this was/is a lonely journey because how can anyone understand the chaos,  but here people actually understand.  The important thing is to decide, "this will not kill me."  I will get the tools I need and become stronger and more peaceful.   I have a 29 year old son, that seems to have a 90 day window of getting treatment and progressing, then start using drugs and relapsing.    Even in his sober times,  the bpd makes it difficult for anyone to deal with him. 
Keep posting, tell us more.  Are there other siblings in the home?
Be strong,

NeverGiveup

[FaithHopeLove]

I second the aptly named NeverGiveUp in saying just that. Never give up. Change is possible and things CAN get better. I hope you stick around.

[Swimmy55]

Thank you for sharing , Debianation. Please know you are not alone.  I am sorry for your loss.  
Drugs and BPD do go hand in hand a lot of times. I too have a 25 year old son that has BPD and abuses drugs.  Here is a weblink  to this site that may help to get you started.  Take a look around:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=331689.0

In the meantime always remember you are as important as your child. Your needs are equally as important.  Many of us parents find therapists for ourselves as well and that is something you may consider for yourself.  Some of us also go to 12 step programs such as CODA ( Co dependents Anonymous) or Al- alon .  We often get understandably so immersed in our child that we forget completely about ourselves. We also need assistance on making appropriate boundaries with our child as well and these resources can help with that as well.
Please share more about your story, you are in a safe place here.

[Only Human]

Hello Debianation

I join the others in welcoming you here - you've found a great place on the internet for support and clinically responsible information about BPD. I'm so sorry you've had to find us but I'm really glad you did. It's really tough to watch someone we love make poor choices and decisions that are not healthy.

decide, "this will not kill me."

nevergiveupmom has given great advice here. We are all living proof that there is hope for a better life for ourselves. As Swimmy says:

always remember you are as important as your child. Your needs are equally as important.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your beloved mother, and that you have been struggling alone with this. Now that you've found us, I hope you feel comfort in knowing we've got your back. We support each other and learn together. Welcome to the Family

I look forward to hearing more from you and how we can best support you. Please share as much as you are comfortable sharing, you'll find many other parents here walking similar paths and it helps to talk about it.

~ OH