Hi Toxsick, I see you've fallen through the cracks! I'm so sorry we didn't reply sooner.
I read through all your posts, it's been a turbulent time lately with break-up and getting back together. But you want to work on being healthier. So you have a good starting point going forward!
She is triggered by questions.
It's not surprising, I've had the same reaction from my ex-dBPDh (diagnosed BPD husband) many times. Then it would turn into a trigger fest where I in turn felt attacked by his way of responding, and around and around we would go.
Learning to validate and how to avoid invalidation can be really helpful in managing conversations and tensions. Here's a good place to start:
Communication Skills - Don't Be Invalidating. And maybe this one on
Empathetic Listening and Active Listening. Is this something you’re familiar with already?
I've talked about boundaries.. that she and I should put in your life for our own well being. And now, she throw that word everytime and for nothing. Like for the questions problem she just say something like : "I'm mad at you because you don't respect my boundaries, you have to stop asking me questions"
I think maybe there is some confusion as to the difference between boundaries and ultimatums. Boundaries can be communicated, but they don't have to be. And they can be uphold with no co-operation from our partner. The focus is on what we will do, not to forbid others from doing something. For example «When my partner yells at me, I will leave the room». And not «I forbid you from yelling at me, stop yelling!» We have some great info on
Setting Boundaries and Setting Limits.
What are your thoughts?
She probably idealized me since we're back together, making good progress and trying her best (2.5 weeks). But i feel like she don't idealize me anymore.
This is standard for relationships where theres emotional instability in the mix. She can't idealise you for long, because at some point feelings of engulfment take over. It's the push pull dynamic at place. It's hard for us to live with, because we enjoy the idealisation part.
I've thrown a lot of information your way. Take it at your own speed, we all have our own path to follow. No matter what happens, we are here whenever you need to talk or ask for help.
Scarlet