Right on schedule

[incognitoMe]

Every weekend she always had a breakdown and got aggressive and cruel.  I posted before about how she dumped me and moved 3000 miles west, and a week ago I got a series of angry 3 am rant texts because my social media relationship status changed to single.  I let myself argue with her and remind her she dumped me, which was a mistake.

 This week I got a series of angry texts in the morning to let me know "we were done" because I had not reached out to her in 5 days.  I ignored all the drawn-out belittling.  Finally, I saw she texted asking if I saw a little lid she may have left behind.  I was out of the house so I texted back that I would look for it when I got home.  She tried to draw me into fighting but I resisted.

Finally, I got home, looked for it and didn't find it.  I got an angry text asking if I had looked, and how I was wasting her time.  I told her I couldn't find it, and she starting ranting about how minimal my effort was, and tried needling me into a fight again.

I told her that the way she was treating me was unacceptable and had to stop or I would block her number.  She started blaming me saying that she was only responding because I kept responding (I wasn't) and I needed to control myself.

I blocked her number and unfriended her on social media.  I tried to go minimal contact to be supportive of her treatment but I can't do it.  I'm happy I was able to avoid getting drawn in beyond telling her aggressive texts needed to stop.  Hopefully, she doesn't try to burn down my reputation with mutual friends.  She seems out for blood.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

You did a good job of not letting yourself get dragged into a fight.

You used the BIFF format:
Brief
Informative
Facts oriented
Friendly (if possible)
Only replying to factual statements is really the way to go in heated text/mail exchanges

[Leonis]

Good job!

Just let her go. You don’t want to be continually involved.

Or else, you’ll end up like me. She might get pregnant and be tied to you for life. Then, she might use the child(ten) as weapon.

Her ties might even prevent you from seeking others due to lingering infatuation and the fact you don’t want to bring another woman into the picture to suffer her wrath.

[OutOfEgypt]

Ugh.  I can feel the manipulation in even just the short description you give.

"I'm done with you" =
a) I want to punish you and make you feel like you're the one losing
b) I want to make you feel afraid that you're losing me and to start chasing me

The story of the lid is so classic.  Nothing we do will ever be enough effort.  In their mind, we should literally re-orient our lives around their problem at the moment, and it's still not enough.  It's not funny, but it totally makes me laugh because I remember this kind of thing. 

Agree, good job at not getting pulled into her trap.

[PeteWitsend]

Ugh.  I can feel the manipulation in even just the short description you give.
...

The story of the lid is so classic.  Nothing we do will ever be enough effort.  In their mind, we should literally re-orient our lives around their problem at the moment, and it's still not enough.  It's not funny, but it totally makes me laugh because I remember this kind of thing. 

Agree, good job at not getting pulled into her trap.

Ditto. 

I recall my XW once storming into my kid's bedroom at night, as I was reading a bedtime story to my youngest son, informing me her mom needed three teeth replaced, and demanding to know what I planned to do about it.

Then when she didn't receive the answer she wanted immediately (I think I said it was something we'd need to discuss at a different time), she yelled something practically incoherent, stormed out and slammed the door!

That lead to a huge fight later, and a week of silent treatment/avoidance. 

[incognitoMe]

You did a good job of not letting yourself get dragged into a fight.

You used the BIFF format:
Brief
Informative
Facts oriented
Friendly (if possible)
Only replying to factual statements is really the way to go in heated text/mail exchanges

I didn't know it was a named method, but I may have picked it up from this site from reading stories and hearing advice. It seems like the logical approach after you realize how futile it is trying to reason with a particular person. 

I hope I will retain awareness and be able to use this to deal with other difficult people in the future.   

[incognitoMe]

Good job!

Just let her go. You don’t want to be continually involved.

Or else, you’ll end up like me. She might get pregnant and be tied to you for life. Then, she might use the child(ten) as weapon.

Her ties might even prevent you from seeking others due to lingering infatuation and the fact you don’t want to bring another woman into the picture to suffer her wrath.

The idea of her contacting me again to say she is pregnant is my biggest nightmare at the moment!   She has told me she doesn't want kids so that they don't inherit her genetics. She doesn't like kids at all, thinks she would be an awful mothers as she has zero maternal instincts or patience, but has also told me she may want to adopt someday. If she got pregnant, I would feel so bad for that tragic child, and she would certainly use the child as a weapon.  I could see her deciding the child would fix her, and maybe help her get to me, and then get bored with, resent, or hate, or ignore the child when it didn't live up to her lofty expectations.
 

[incognitoMe]

Ditto. 

I recall my XW once storming into my kid's bedroom at night, as I was reading a bedtime story to my youngest son, informing me her mom needed three teeth replaced, and demanding to know what I planned to do about it.

Then when she didn't receive the answer she wanted immediately (I think I said it was something we'd need to discuss at a different time), she yelled something practically incoherent, stormed out and slammed the door!

That lead to a huge fight later, and a week of silent treatment/avoidance. 

My parents fought like wild dogs in front of me, and the idea of having a child and subjecting it to the same experience horrifies me. I feel for you.  That would tear me up inside as I'm sure she has no ability to understand how important it is to be kind to one another and be good examples in front of the kids.  Its hard enough for an adult to understand bpd behavior. For a child, its got to be so confusing, and scary.  I'd hate for them to be led to believe that was normal relationship behavior.

[Leonis]

The idea of her contacting me again to say she is pregnant is my biggest nightmare at the moment!   She has told me she doesn't want kids so that they don't inherit her genetics. She doesn't like kids at all, thinks she would be an awful mothers as she has zero maternal instincts or patience, but has also told me she may want to adopt someday.

That's what mine said as well. Look at where she is today!

If she got pregnant, I would feel so bad for that tragic child, and she would certainly use the child as a weapon.  I could see her deciding the child would fix her, and maybe help her get to me, and then get bored with, resent, or hate, or ignore the child when it didn't live up to her lofty expectations.

I'm not there yet, but I'm willing to bet it's gonna happen to me in a few years. Yup, I'm not looking forward to it.

[incognitoMe]

That's what mine said as well. Look at where she is today!

I'm not there yet, but I'm willing to bet it's gonna happen to me in a few years. Yup, I'm not looking forward to it.

She used to bring up the fact I hadn't asked her to marry me in every fight.  She told me she wanted the people on social media she doesn't like to see that she had been "picked" and "get to be a star."  I get the feeling she only wanted that glory.   I shudder at the idea that she may instead think she could get her attention on social media from pregnancy and having a kid.

We always used protection, except in the end she kept forcing penetration before I had a condom on and I'd have to stop her, and insist on protection.  She kept doing it. I'd be just about to reach for a condom and she would push it in real fast.  One day she did it in the morning while I was asleep.  I woke up with no condom on and her climbing on top of me. Its almost like she was trying to get pregnant. That scared me a lot, and was one of the factors in me not trying to keep her from leaving. I ended up getting tested last week because although she said she had been tested before our relationship, I have no idea if she really did.

Its basically the same thing as stealthing (which is illegal in my state), where somebody damages a condom or removes it during sex without consent. Of course, if she got herself pregnant by taking away my right to protection, nobody would believe me. They would just think I was trying to get out of responsibilities.  

[Leonis]

Its basically the same thing as stealthing (which is illegal in my state), where somebody damages a condom or removes it during sex without consent. Of course, if she got herself pregnant by taking away my right to protection, nobody would believe me. They would just think I was trying to get out of responsibilities. 

Funnily enough, when my ex was on birth control, she was rather aggressive about taking the delivery in. The time that she conceived, she was hesitant at first, but didn't stop once she got going. I did note some unusual behaviors after the fact.

The stupid part of me assumed she would take a morning after option since she knew her cycle. Of course, she claimed rape for that encounter, and the rest was history.