Out of Sight. Out of Mind.

[Longterm]

I think about how poorly I was treated and labeled, but knowing that she most likely has mental issues, etc. also makes it hard to blame her completely. I wish she would get better and make things right with me.

Yes, it is really difficult because I believe they are mostly unaware of most of their behaviour and the effect they have on others. It is extremely difficult to deal with such destruction when you know they did it from a place of incredible inner pain that they did not ask for. BPD imo is incredibly sad but it's not your fault either and that's why we MUST learn to look after ourselves.

 She probably will not abandon our son

I mean this in the most considerate way possible Leonis. You must prepare for any eventuality. I had it all, a gorgeous wife, 4 great kids, I thought things were awesome. Now I have a soon to be ex wife who is on drugs and who lives with a rapist. Children all in therapy or waiting. 3 kids suffer anxiety and depression. Me, completely traumatised, just trying to hold everyone together. I could waffle on and I have. If you would of told me this 10yrs ago I would of laughed at you. BPD knows no boundaries and does not take hostages. Be there for your son the best you can, 1 day he may really need you.


It does bother me that she may be dating someone else. It's sad that the only solace I have is that she will royally screw up the next guy as well.

The cycle will continue, I have witnessed it in all its dysfunctional glory, it is shocking.

[Leonis]

So, I grabbed my son’s medical records today.

My ex put us down as “legally separated” even though we were never married. I guess she’s trying to save face.

More importantly, she wasn’t truthful about our son’s speech development.

That’s okay, I need to visit with the attorney to modify our custody order anyways.

[Leonis]

I have been putting together a case based on the fact my ex has not been truthful about our son's speech impediments. I'm arguing that this is why I need to have custody reviewed so I could take him to evaluations myself.

During this process, my heart sank reading all our communications.

The old feelings came back. The sadness. The frustration. The anger.

It was like opening up old wounds. I looked through our old texts for clues that support my claims. I saw the roller coaster of emotions. The back and forth push/pull with her. Part of me wonder if forcing her to communicate is a good thing for us in the long run. It would be beneficial for our child, but that also opens the door for her to unleash the crazies on me again.

[MeandThee29]

I think about how poorly I was treated and labeled, but knowing that she most likely has mental issues, etc. also makes it hard to blame her completely. I wish she would get better and make things right with me.

Yes, it is really difficult because I believe they are mostly unaware of most of their behaviour and the effect they have on others. It is extremely difficult to deal with such destruction when you know they did it from a place of incredible inner pain that they did not ask for. BPD imo is incredibly sad but it's not your fault either and that's why we MUST learn to look after ourselves.

Accepting it for what it is requires a lot. One of our young adults is doing better but is still iffy at times, and it makes me so angry. She's in therapy, but her foundation was shattered growing up, and it's taking a lot of work to put it back together. I blame myself some for not grasping what was happening, but she's forgiven me. The other one is doing very well overall, but I see cracks at times. Of course I'm struggling myself but am seeing a lot of light lately.

I had vague hopes of a "good divorce" where we could discuss dividing things without slinging mud at each other. Nope.

[Leonis]

Accepting it for what it is requires a lot. One of our young adults is doing better but is still iffy at times, and it makes me so angry.

That's definitely better than family members who refuse to admit that something was wrong.

[MeandThee29]

That's definitely better than family members who refuse to admit that something was wrong.

I don't know how it is at present because I chose to distance myself from them, but his family wasn't on board with my concerns when this all went down. From my perspective, they focused the attention on me versus holding him accountable. It made sense to them, and so that's how they handled it. I accept that. Blood relations come first.

And so it is.  And yes, the therapist said that as long as one parent is operating in reality, they probably will come out OK. That comforts me.

[Leonis]

 And yes, the therapist said that as long as one parent is operating in reality, they probably will come out OK. That comforts me.

That makes me feel much better about my situation too.

[Harri]

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