I get a 'good' person 50-60% of the time, and BPD behavior the rest.

[ChTown]

GemsForEyes,
I have been here what...a week? Two weeks? And have spent my free moments reading through posts/replies, looking through the different videos, etc. However, your posts/replies feel so safe to me, and I wanted to thank you.

The love you have for your BPD resonates with me, and it seems so familiar to me. I love my BPDh with my soul, I do. I truly believe that if we separated, I would still want him in my life, as we are so deeply connected; however, I have learned (and continue to learn) that his BPD will not allow him to treat me in a way that is acceptable--at least not 100% of the time. At the moment, I get a 'good' person 50-60% of the time, and BPD behavior the rest.

Your posts show me that you CAN love someone with this disorder--even if you can't live with them. <3

Thank you.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

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[Gemsforeyes]

Hi ChTown-

Thank you so so much for saying this to me.  And you are so welcome, so keep posting, my friend.  We ALL need one another... that’s for sure!

I do deeply love him.  He’s a good man and a sad and troubled little boy... I’m pretty sure your beloved is similar.

We used to live together and no longer do.  I’m not sure if we ever will again.  Perhaps, if the building is large enough and he has a good outdoor hobby!  He lived in my home (he moved in uninvited, literally while I was asleep and moved out in a RAGE!).  I / we actually laugh about this.  He blames his “tenant” for that breakup. 

This last week he said something bizarre to me on the phone, and he’s trying to dig himself out of that one.  I needed to take some space to think about it before I spoke to him. 

The slippery slope is ALWAYS when there’s something you HAVE to discuss... all pwBPD are NOT the same.  And we’re older.  We’re both 61.  But to many pwBPD, if you point out one single thing wrong, they interpret it to mean they’re ALL BAD, A TOTALLY BAD, HORRIBLE PERSON AND YOU HATE THEM!

So I started off the conversation with “you know, HB I care so much about you and love you so much and last week you said something that really scared me and hurt me.”  And he asked “what?”  And then I told him.  His response was so lame...

He apologized and I forgive him.

But he did recognize on his own that if it’s going to appear to me as if I’m being threatened with bodily harm, he should probably keep certain confidential matters to himself; and not discuss those with me or anyone else.  He also recognized on his own that I had NEVER betrayed his trust.  So some progress was made.   

In order to be in these rs, we have to be a little “off” ourselves.  (but don’t tell anyone).  And you have GOT to be able to forgive... I don’t think I’ve ever laughed as hard, been as much who I REALLY am, or been screamed at Like this.  On the other hand, after almost 6 years, I’m STILL finding out who on earth he is...

Take REALLY good care of yourself and your kids!

Warmly,
Gemsforeyes