Son with BPD left home again yesterday.

[Rahni]

Hi everyone,

This is my first post on this site. My son is 22 and was diagnosed with BPD last year. I am wanting to gain some support, more insight and understanding from this group.

My son has left home a few times and left home again yesterday. The last few years have really taken their toll on me as well as him. I miss him, however also feel relieved and then feel guilty that I feel relieved that he has moved out. I feel that by remaining at home I was inadvertently enabling him. He has also been diagnosed with cannabis use disorder severe.

Looking forward to gaining more insight, thanks.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hi Rahni
Welcome to the group. You have come to the right place to get accurate information and support. My 25 year old son also has BPD and cannabis addiction. I know what you mean about the feeling of relief when they move out. It's like you have your life back. I hope you don't feel too guilty about it. You matter too. I look forward to hearing more from you.
Hugs
Faith

[BabySister]

Welcome, Rahni!

As FaithHopeLove put it, you matter too! Absolutely!

I watch my mother put up with so much abuse from my BPDB as she feels she has no options! I usually post in the sibling area but wanted to take a look and gain some insight on what it’s like for my parents.

My brother is BPD, his first episode and hospitalization was when he was 17. He had some time out of the house for short periods of time. Did manage to get married but divorced. He’s lived with my parents for the past 25+ years and it’s reached crisis mode at this point.

Back when he first had an episode, a social worker felt he should go to a group home to motivate him. My father didn’t like the idea, my mother was for it. Now fast forward, it’s been decades of verbal abuse, walking on eggshells, my father is in a nursing home, my mother is stuck with him in the house. He’s company for her but also verbally and mentally abuses her every other night.

I appreciate you sharing feeling as if you were inadvertently enabling your son. This has gone on for years in my family. My brother has lacked the motivation to change, he hasn’t had too and now I fear it’s too far gone. My mother always worries about him winding up homeless but there’s zero plan for when my parents are both gone. My brother is regularly abusive and aggigated. He is on meds but they don’t appear to be leveling out his mood.

What I can suggest is looking into a support group for you through NAMI. They also have 12 week classes to gain and understanding of the disease and how to communicate more effectively, learn what your ultimate goal is with you loved one. Keep posting!