, Welcome to the community . I feel your pain! Loving someone who struggles with BPD is VERY difficult for both parties. I know it's probably very little consolation, but if you manage to not get into a cycle of wash, rinse, repeat you will be grateful later. I was in a 3 year relationship, that should have ended month 3, but neither one of us could walk away from the intensity. I thought marriage would add security and it would settle into something solid and stable (cart before the horse)
After signing up LEGALLY my rollercoaster ride from hell got worse. Immediately the lying intensified, fights were constantly getting worse so the dicards were quicker and longer. My reactions vacilated, my anger went from mad to explosive. I felt like I was either his caretaker or his victim. My fantasy come true had become a nightmare I couldn't escape, the only way out was opening my eyes. Long story shorter..I couldn't hang anymore, he moved out, we divorced (within 90 days) only to wash, rinse, repeat fot the next 1.5.
Good news, as soon as he moved out I slowly used my energy wisely by starting REGULAR active therapy. This opened a pandors box of emotions and solutions, a new journey began. I had a LOT of internal work to do, it sucks most of the time but the payoff is woth it. It's crazy he moved out 2 yrs ago and I am not the same person. EVER relationship dynamic I have has changed. I had co-created the same toxicity with everyone else. I only have a few personal relationship now because I am in the place inbetween, I have cleared but not filled up a whole lot yet. I decided to not have relationships be my main source of happiness. I need a better job so I am going back to school in a few weeks. I am going to see who I will be after I take care of all the thiings I put on hold while I was trying to find someone to make me or them happy. It gets better . P.S. I have been N/C for 9 mos