I feel so alone

[sinkingsongstrss]

My daughter is 18, graduated and living at home until she leaves for Military in a couple months. I feel so helpless. She has never been diagnosed because no one she's seen has wanted to consider that label before 18. I'm fairly certain she does..only been trying to find an answer for 14 years...how do you not feel like you're about to fall off the edge of a cliff every day with these kids?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello SinkingSongstrss
I am happy to meet you and very glad you found us. We all know that helpless feeling. Whether formally diagnosed or showing signs of BPD, watching our children go through this can be heartbreaking. The good news is things really can get better. We are all learning communication skills that help us improve our relationships with our beloved kids and that helps them a lot. That, combined with a lot of self care, is how we keep from "falling off the edge." Can you tell us more about yourself and your daughter? What is your biggest concern at this time?
hugs
Faith

[No-One]

Hi sinkingsongstrss:
I'd like to join FaithHopeLove in welcoming you!  If you hang around here, you won't feel so alone.  There are plenty of others who share similar problems & situation.

She leaves for Military in a couple months.

How long do you think she will last in the Military?  I'm thinking that most people with just a few strong BPD traits, won't fair well in Military service.  

What are some of her BPD traits?  Has she been able to seem "normal" for periods of time?   She had to fool them, when interviewed.

[sinkingsongstrss]

Hello SinkingSongstrss
I am happy to meet you and very glad you found us. We all know that helpless feeling. Whether formally diagnosed or showing signs of BPD, watching our children go through this can be heartbreaking. The good news is things really can get better. We are all learning communication skills that help us improve our relationships with our beloved kids and that helps them a lot. That, combined with a lot of self care, is how we keep from "falling off the edge." Can you tell us more about yourself and your daughter? What is your biggest concern at this time?
hugs
Faith

Thank you, Faith! She is my first-born and was always cautious and very sensitive from birth. I had her sister when she was almost 2 1/2 and her life was flipped upside down.  Her sister needed a very intensive skull surgery and a few minor surgeries after that. I was in such a deep depression for probably the first 2 years of my second child's life. I had no support and no resources. I've been told it's possible she had Reactive Attachment Disorder from that time, that her very sensitive self perceived to be a trauma. It's never really fit though. She has had issues from at least the age of 4 or five that I can remember.  all of her moods are times ten. She NEVER feels understood, unless you directly agree with her. What she remembers is very skewed. She flips out at the slightest anything, screaming, crying, cursing, throwing toilet cleaner at me, trying to beat down a locked door (to escape her),says her sister is our favorite, saying she'd wish she'd die or we would die. She changes friends and boyfriends like clothes. We have never had an issue in school with her being disrespectful to other adults or getting in trouble with the law. I never know what to say, because what is okay with her today, will piss her off tomorrow.

[sinkingsongstrss]

Hi sinkingsongstrss:
I'd like to join FaithHopeLove in welcoming you!  If you hang around here, you won't feel so alone.  There are plenty of others who share similar problems & situation.How long do you think she will last in the Military?  I'm thinking that most people with just a few strong BPD traits, won't fair well in Military service.  

What are some of her BPD traits?  Has she been able to seem "normal" for periods of time?   She had to fool them, when interviewed.

Thanks, No one!
That's really hard to answer. She had signed up before for Active Duty and quit before her ship date. THen she joined the National Guard and she cannot get out of that. She can be the sweetest, most polite person and impress the socks off of people on the regular. She has always done well hiding her stuff to the outside world. And if things are going perfectly for her, her mood will be great for a few days, until the bottom drops out.  The military scares the crap out of me, but then again, what can I do to stop her? My only hope is that SOMEHOW it can have a positive impact on her, because I don't know what will happen in her life otherwise. Now, THAT, scares me even more!

[No-One]

Thanks, No one!
That's really hard to answer. She had signed up before for Active Duty and quit before her ship date. THen she joined the National Guard and she cannot get out of that. She can be the sweetest, most polite person and impress the socks off of people on the regular. She has always done well hiding her stuff to the outside world. And if things are going perfectly for her, her mood will be great for a few days, until the bottom drops out.  The military scares the crap out of me, but then again, what can I do to stop her? My only hope is that SOMEHOW it can have a positive impact on her, because I don't know what will happen in her life otherwise. Now, THAT, scares me even more!

Hi sinkingsongstrss:
Sorry, I missed your reply.  

I really hope it works out for her.  It should be interesting to see how it goes when she is in situations where she can't lose control, without official consequences.  If she doesn't want the stigma of a dishonorable discharge, she may choose to conform.

Has she chosen something specific that she wants to be trained for in The National Guard?  If she sticks with it, she could gain skills for future employment.

Let us know how things go.



 

[Evolving Mom]

Wow! I just posted and then saw this. My daughter is 18 and I suspect has BPD also. Just like yours, they've been hesitant to diagnose it. I hope the military helps your daughter. I know mine would end up having a rough time. My daughter didn't finish HS though.  She's promised to get her GED, but so far has skipped all the classes in favor of getting high with her friends. Will you be able to see your daughter while she's in the national guard?