Loss of what could’ve been better for all of us

[Boncrana]

Today I am feeling pain and anger and grieving loss of being a family together. Our family life has been broken for years.

Myself and my parents have had many years of conflicts, challenges and long periods of separation with my older sister.

Late life has afforded me the opportunity to come back into my older sisters life recently. It has not been easy, however.

I recently spent some time visiting with her, it was special in many ways but unfortunately, her daily raging and acidic distorted comments thrown at me, totally overshadowed this time together.

I avoided getting swept up into her rage, but now I am home I am really struggling with the negative impact toll it has taken on me and I can’t seem to remove myself from this recent experience.

I recognized that there was something more to her emotional outbursts and started researching once back home. Through walking on eggshells I have identified her traits.

I am also very grateful to be able to read some experiences, that people have written about and realize with appreciation that I am not alone.

My pain is great now I have discovered this. I am saddened in that so many years of pain and conflict have been experienced.

I am angry also, because of the negative impact and how it has shaped me as an individual, as I have worn the responsibility of my challenges with her, as my fault because the aggressiveness from her towards me started when I was little. (There is 10 years difference between us.)

My sister is old now and I am not to far behind in age. All other family is passed away.
Had we all known that this mental condition existed with her, early in our lives we could’ve all reached out and worked together to make a better life for all of us.

It is horribly sad that this has only come to recognition to late in life.

I am really grieving, as path we all ended up following because of this mental health issue and the more positive life we all could have experienced had we been in knowledge of this mental health condition.

I know that we all experienced a lot of pain because of this, and it was so unnecessary.

I hope that some of the coping skills in walking on eggshells applied at challenging times will help me experiencing less impact from her ways.

I will separate my sister as an individual from the mental health condition, and learn to love my sister as an individual. I cannot to cure her of this mental health condition as it is beyond my scope.

It is important to do my best by her, as our years as sisters are few now.

[Harri]

Hi and welcome to the board.

Grieving the losses associated with having a pwBPD in our lives is very difficult.  There is so much time lost and so much that is, as you say, totally unnecessary.

Can you tell us more about your current situation?  What type of contact do you have with her?  What are some of the most challenging things you have encountered when interacting with her?

We do have tools that can help us cope and interact in more effective ways.  Sometimes, over time, they can also improve the interactions we have with our psBPD (person with BPD) so the more you share, the easier it will be to guide you to the most relevant resources.

In the meantime, read and settle in.  We get it here and we can help.  things do get better.

[Boncrana]

Thank you Harri for introducing yourself and welcoming me to the site.

My sibling and I live in different cities.
We communicate by email which adds many more challenges to our relationship.

I am impacted negatively by my sibling’s uncontrolled raging and bizarre assumptions.
There is also verbal acid that surfaces on occasion from my sibling and gets hurled my direction, aimed to hurt.

It is so confusing, i am not able to determine if I am at fault and take responsibility for what my sibling is stating about me or not.

I hope to gain some empowering insight by joining this site.