Open Letter

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

The truth is that you hold a mirror in front of yourself to cover the real you. When people look at you, they see themselves because of the mirror you are holding. People stick around because people like to see themselves, not because of what is behind the mirror. In reality, they don’t know that they are looking at themselves and have no idea what is behind that mirror. Neither do you. You have too much self hate and fear of seeing who you really are. Until the day you decide to flip that mirror around and face yourself, you will always be unhappy. There are times when carrying that mirror outwardly makes you feel good, but after some time, eventually your back will get tired and you can no longer keep it up.

As for the few people that stick around beyond this, these are people who also have lost self respect to a varying degree. Neither party can be truly happy in such a relationship. This is destined to fail. You must be whole as one, neither side should expect the other to compensate for their deficiencies. Address yourself first. Learn to love who you are.

[outsidetheborder]

The truth is that you hold a mirror in front of yourself to cover the real you. When people look at you, they see themselves because of the mirror you are holding. People stick around because people like to see themselves, not because of what is behind the mirror. In reality, they don’t know that they are looking at themselves and have no idea what is behind that mirror. Neither do you. You have too much self hate and fear of seeing who you really are. Until the day you decide to flip that mirror around and face yourself, you will always be unhappy. There are times when carrying that mirror outwardly makes you feel good, but after some time, eventually your back will get tired and you can no longer keep it up.

As for the few people that stick around beyond this, these are people who also have lost self respect to a varying degree. Neither party can be truly happy in such a relationship. This is destined to fail. You must be whole as one, neither side should expect the other to compensate for their deficiencies. Address yourself first. Learn to love who you are.

[Mutt]

Hi outsidetheborder, 



I'd like to welcome you to the family. I'm glad that you have found us!

neither side should expect the other to compensate for their deficiencies. Address yourself first. Learn to love who you are.

That's very good advise, don't sooth your emotional pain in a r/s, do the self work and be both independent and dependent on the other  person.

You're talking about mirroring I recall a moment early in my r/s where I felt a wave come over me and felt like my pwBPD was very nice and down to earth what I didn't realize is that she was mirroring back to me what I was putting out there.

Can you give us back story about you and your pwBPD?

[Skip]

Can you give us back story about you and your pwBPD?

Hey outsidetheborder, what is happening with your relationship?