Staying Focused/Overwhelmed

[MeAgain]

Hi Folks,
This is my first post.   I'm thankful to find this site. My spouse and I have been married less than a year. Our conversations are usually positive, when I am 110% focused on her and immediately available to her (including at work, the middle of the night, or when I'm just running errands). Things deteriorate quickly if I'm distracted in any way. When she is triggered, I often feel overwhelmed, or spent, and unable to meet the challenge of her needs. What is your advice? How do you manage?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[sabas]

I don’t have a ton of solutions but I thought I’d let you know that I feel the exact same way dealing with my wife. She calls or texts me many times throughout the day even when I’m working. When I’m not working the need to talk to me is even higher. I have a very difficult time telling her that I can’t talk, or if I was more honest, that I don’t feel like talking at that moment. It’s to the point that I basically never do it, and so I struggle through conversations that if I slip up during, I’ll end up in a fight or hung up on. I empathize with you. I just recently found the site too and I’m working to set those boundaries so that she can live more fully without being dependent on my attention whenever she demands it, I’m hoping you can find the confidence and strength to do the same.

[bated]

Hi Folks,
This is my first post.   I'm thankful to find this site. My spouse and I have been married less than a year. Our conversations are usually positive, when I am 110% focused on her and immediately available to her (including at work, the middle of the night, or when I'm just running errands). Things deteriorate quickly if I'm distracted in any way. When she is triggered, I often feel overwhelmed, or spent, and unable to meet the challenge of her needs. What is your advice? How do you manage?

Welcome MeAgain.  I am pretty new myself but have found the support you get on these boards very helpful. The advice that is given is great, but what helps me the most is reading the experiences of others, and knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Also, I do recommend you check out the articles, tips, and other resources on this site.

[MeAgain]

Hi folks,
Thanks for the guidance! She is undiagnosed although those that love her know she is dealing with BPD.  She believes the difficulties in our relationship all emanate from me which leaves me little to work with. I've read Stop Walking on Eggshells and will read more here. The situation is becoming impossible. The rage is overwhelming and I can't meet the challenge to prevent it.