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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: Telling employer or not?  (Read 455 times)
trappeddad
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« on: September 08, 2019, 05:44:09 AM »

I have court, mediation and meeting with  experts within the next 2 weeks.     I have not told my employer about all of this so far, but should I tell them why I am going to miss some time?     Is there a stigma against people dealing with this stuff?    Should I say I need to  miss time for personal reasons?     Or be honest and say the time off should go away in a few weeks.   
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MeandThee29
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
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« Reply #1 on: September 08, 2019, 08:18:09 AM »

I wouldn't tell them at this point. If it becomes a long, protracted affair and if I had a good manager, I might.

When I thought that I was going to be served with papers at work, I told a few coworkers, but none of the managers because they would not have been sympathetic. It is retail, so they look at any distraction as being the employee's fault.
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GaGrl
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
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« Reply #2 on: September 08, 2019, 10:55:19 AM »

It depends on your company "paid time off" policies and your relationship with your manager.

If your company has a PTO policy that you simply need to give notice that you are taking time off, just provide that notice.

If time off starts to get extensive, and you have a good relationship with your manager, let him/her know that you are working through a mediated divorce settlement, and that you are committed to continuing to do your best work during a stressful time.

I was in HR related jobs for 40 years (mostly talent development, but some HR management also),cane we always would prefer to know how to support someone rather than suddenly have someone in a high-stress situation that was affecting their performance.
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"...what's past is prologue; what to come,
In yours and my discharge."
40days_in_desert
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« Reply #3 on: September 08, 2019, 02:41:15 PM »

I think it depends on your relationship with your boss. It's personal business and your choice to provide details or not. You might want to let them know that you will need time off so they know to expect you to take time off.
 In my case, the guy who owns our company is a close friend of mine so I let him in on the details early on about 5-6 years ago which was about a year and a half before my split/divorce. I still work for the same company and was given a lot of freedom for a couple of years to handle the situation as long as I could maintain my job requirements. That included asking others for help at times to help me cover my responsibilities.
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“A rogue does not laugh in the same way that an honest man does; a hypocrite does not shed the tears of a man of good faith. All falsehood is a mask; and however well made the mask may be, with a little attention we may always succeed in distinguishing it from the true face.”
― Alexandre Dumas
trappeddad
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« Reply #4 on: September 08, 2019, 07:50:56 PM »

I appreciate the advice.    I will merge everyone's explanation and say I need to take time off for personal reasons but committed to completing my tasks quickly, even if that involves some working over the weekend.     Thanks again!   
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