I've been "ghosted"

[SS4me]

About 21 years ago, I sought psychological help after the death of my last parent, my mother.  Before my mom's death, my sister had laid an unrealistic expectation on me which I could not fulfill, to spend a week with Mom when I had an important work related engagement (I am one of five siblings, but I was the only one expected to do this).  My mom died.  In the days up to and after the funeral I was quietly treated horribly at every turn.  My sister did not speak to me for at least 6 months.  I cried for the first month.  The next year I found shrink who after several sessions told me that both my Mom and my sister were Borderline Personalities.  What a revelation!  It all made sense.  I was the "good" daughter, with her I became the "bad" mother (Mom and she were always at odds.)
I was always faithful to my sister, called her every Monday (I lived 80 miles away) and was very good to her college aged kids who moved up near me.  My sister and I always talked of my getting into a senior residence 11 miles from her.  After waiting 3 1/2 years I got the call to move but I also learned that I was very sick .  Suddenly, my sister would have nothing to do with me.  No concern over the procedures I was facing or how I was managing my move.  I am single, always had Thanksgiving with her family for 30 years!  Was not invited.  She made arrangements that her family would not be at our family Christmas bash.
Is this standard BPD behavior?  At quiet moments, I look back on our lives and realize that she has passionately hated me at every turn, but I could never see it.
It's been a year and a half that I live near her.  Any suggestions?
 

[Harri]

Hi and welcome to the board.  I am glad you are reaching out for help and even more glad that you found help here because we get it.  You are not alone.  All of us on this board are dealing with a family member with BPD or BPD traits, mostly parents or siblings.  Sometimes both.

I can't say that your sisters behavior of cutting you off is typical but it is not uncommon.  It is very painful and difficult when a loved one cuts us out and I am so sorry you are dealing with this on top of having health problems.  How is your health now?

It's been a year and a half that I live near her.  Any suggestions?

Suggestion regarding what?  Are you hoping to resume contact with her or are you looking for coping strategies for yourself or is it something else?  Regardless, we can support you as you navigate your way through your situation.  You don't have to do this alone any more.

[Methuen]

Hi SS4me

The next year I found shrink who after several sessions told me that both my Mom and my sister were Borderline Personalities.

Hmm.  Don't know what the past history is that led your shrink to that conclusion, but shrinks usually know their stuff and are good people, so ask yourself first, do you want contact with her if she's BP while you are already experiencing your own health issues?  Or are you better off without the added layer of BP relationship issues while you are coping with your own health issues?  Maybe the low contact is a blessing for now?

I hope you are receiving the support and care you need from friends and health care workers.  Best Wishes.