So its finally over

[Xeonrebel]

Hi. I've been posting a few things around here about my relationship of almost 9 years with a woman i believe she has behaviours compatible with BPD. Anyway, i wanted to share my experience with you about this last and probably final break up. The sad thing at the end for me was that, apart of the lost of the relationship i started to see her real face. i changed for better in the last 2 years for her, and maybe for me as well because other than sadness im feeling pretty good this time, but she didnt, she stayed the same, the same girl that cant face a real adult problem, let alone try to fix it with words, dialogue, just her silence.. after our last call about 3 weeks ago where she told me she was going to start a new RS with somebody else, she started, again, her famous silent treatment. Unlike 2 years ago where i would beg, an cry, an tried to reach her from everything on my hands, this time, i stopped cold. other than sending her a goodbye cell phone message (my closure in some way) she didnt have the courtesy to even reply a "Ok, thanks, good luck to you too" at least, she's just silent. i know, ive read the hypothesis that when they are that silent its because they are with somebody else, but that shouldnt be an excuse for common decency and at least show that, even when they really didnt love like a grown up love, they had at least a feeling of like you or something, i mean, we didnt stay that long in the relationship for nothing, in other words, no closure from her side, and im pretty sure that my message just got thru her, i mean, read it, thought "oh, this idiot its still in love with me, haha", but time will tell her other wise, since im done, im not fighting anymore, no more chase, no more anything. Its like what happens sometimes in a ICU (intensive care unit) with terminally ill patients, you reach a point of no return where theres nothing more that can be done and its just letting go. For now, im literally of the grid right now, i shut down my social media accounts, that is instagram, facebook and twitter, and not because of her, but because i want a mind free of worries and focused on me. in the mean time, right now, im enjoying that silence, gives me time to think what do i want in the future with my next date, pretty sure gonna find somebody that at least has the courtesy to address my, her, and our problems (when i get married of course) with out bailing on me, running away or giving me silence.
I wanted to marry her, and little did she know that i was going to propose her like ive seen with some medical collegues, in a fashion way, in another country (i was thinking vancouver), and by the way, we were making plans to go to canada by the end of this year, but, of course, that wont happen...
anyway, things happen for a reason, and even if we dont know it yet, we have to flow with that and let it be. for me, its over and im ok with that, i dont hate her, we had a lot of funny moments, a lot of important memories from both sides, well, at least i had the chance to be with her when we went for her graduate diploma and i was very happy for her. anyway, thanks for reading me friends, i hope for all of us in this forum that we find somebody that truly deserves us, loves us and do the same for them, and like tony stark said (im pretty sure he said that, i dont remember well, haha), part of the journey, is the end..

[lucidone]

Hey Xeon, sorry to hear about your experience.  I can't imagine what it's like to be with someone for so long and be on the receiving end of BPD.  My exwbpd would usually give me the silent treatment when she went into one of her episodes.  I'm not sure if it was a manipulation tactic to get me to chase her and validate her reaction, a way to make it feel like she had power or was in control,  she simply didn't have healthy problem solving skills, or a combination of the above.

I'm about two and a half months out of a 1 year BPD relationship that left me in shock and confused.  What I've found to be helpful was researching BPD (and NPD for that matter), talking with others about what happened and how it felt, and reading other peoples stories.  For me, if it happened for any reason, it was because there was a certain vulnerability with me, which I've learned about and taken the opportunity to grow.

I'm (and I'm sure others) are here if you'd like to chat.