Would a break help?

[rockbottommama]

My husband after nearly 20 years recognizes that his explosive reactions and anger may not be normal.   We suspect BPD due to his childhood.   His recent realization comes from him being forced to self reflect as he see’s he could lose our marriage and family.   Right now, even though he wants to be better and saw a physician who started him on antidepressant.   We continue to have big explosive reactions.   A soft and tender, loving man one minute and an angry and over reactive man minutes later.    I fear that my resentment over the 20 years when he didn’t feel anything was wrong and that everyone else was the problem has caused me to lack empathy for him and the situation. The  ‘I’m sorry’s” are exhausting and begin to be meaningless.  I love my husband and do not want to give up.   But wonder if We should temporarily live separately while working thru this to diffuse some of the heightened feelings and hurt.    I fear if we continue as we are it will for sure push me over the edge.   But I also fear that living apart will cause more distance between us and just seal the deal on heading for divorce.   We are currently at such a peak of and need some relief.   I know there is not easy or quick fix to this... I’m just soo drained, depleted, and depressed myself that I don’t know what to do to help him.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Radcliff]

We're sorry for the tough situation you are in, but are glad you've reached out for help.  You're talking about the potential for a therapeutic separation.  As you suggested, there's a risk that separating could hinder things rather than help, especially if you do it without the right kind of professional support.  We recommend that new members work on the coping skills you can learn here for a while before making any big relationship decisions.  Many members arrive here utterly depleted.  We can help with that.

Can you describe a recent rage episode?  What triggered it?  What did he do?  How did you react?

RC