We are now separated

[smart_storm26]

Hello everyone. I am now finally separated from my BPD wife. I had posted here before about my relationship problems. But here I am now. It's been 2 months we are separated. I initiated the separation. I really loved her. I tried my best to push her towards a positive direction in life. I was the first person in her life who took her to therapy for her problems. Her parents never cared. I took her to some of the best phsychiatrists and therapists in the city hoping she will accept the help she needs. She was physically and mentally abusive towards me. But then while doing so much for the relationship, I guess I ran out of steam myself. I began to resent her. She kept treating me poorly. In the end she would bully me and treat me so badly that one day I got frustrated and left the house unable to bear her lack of respect towards me. For the first time in 2 years, I let my parents know what was happening. How she was being physically and mentally abusive towards me. How many times she has hit me drawing blood...I shared those pictures with my parents. I told hem how mean, hurtful and disrespectful she has been towards me when all she got from me is support, care and love. I am ashamed to think about those things she did to me. I am not boasting about myself but when I look back I realize that I have been a great husband to her. I have loved her, supported her, encouraged her, respected her and gave her personal freedom. I respected her parents and brother and treated them like my own. I even took stand for her and fought with my own parents when they did anything wrong to her. And all I got back from her was abuse, her hurtful words, constant criticism and utter disrespect for me. My mind tells me everyday 'She doesn't deserve you'.

Anyways my parents stood by my side and discussed these issues with her parents. They all agreed I have been treated unfairly and horribly. And so our separation became official. We are still continuing couples session with our therapist as per his advice. We go for couples therapy once a week. Our therapist is trying to mend things between us. But I am not happy about it. Why should I try to mend things with someone who has treated me so poorly? Don't I have my own self-respect? He even asked me to talk to her for 15 mins everyday. We talk but I can't get past those wrongdoings of hers. I ask myself always 'Is she really capable of loving someone? Or did she even love me? Because if you love someone how can you abuse that person? How can you hit that person?'. I am seeking my answers. Also I am suffering from depression and PTSD from the past abuse. Those 2 years I stayed with her were the worst 2 years of my life. Nobody has hurt me so deeply like she has.

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[once removed]

hi smart_storm26,

im sorry things have come to this. its really hard   we can all see that you have invested a great deal in this relationship.

We are still continuing couples session with our therapist as per his advice. We go for couples therapy once a week. Our therapist is trying to mend things between us. But I am not happy about it.

i want to suggest that as long as there is any effort, even 5%, in reconciling, or the two of you are in contact, that you stick with the Bettering board. we can walk you through exiting or staying, whichever way you decide.

i hear your resentment, and your pain. things have obviously taken their toll.

whats going on in couples therapy right now? what are the primary issues being addressed?