Officially painted black?

[Chicagobloo]

Hey guys posted awhile back but have been working on somethings and back tracking a bit a month ago. Little background here https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=338750.msg13070498#msg13070498

It did get alittle worse as she stopped contact for 2 weeks and I ended up unblocking my Facebook just to see if she was checking and not even a day later she’s pestering me about something I posted on there. Ignored the text but deleted what she got upset about. I know weak. Couple days later I’m met with more texts about why she wasn’t good enough and the new people I know dont know me like she does and she quit her job because she’s so upset about what happened. And hits me with “I don’t know who I am without you” wow laughable moment. I don’t respond and another few days later I get more texts and a call begging me to respond and she just wants to talk and that our anniversary is coming up and that she can’t help herself and that I will have to block her to get her to stop. I texted back 30 mins later and guess what? Blocked again Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) so I leave it at that. Few days go by and a friend we had some sexual history with I messaged asking how she’s been as she came into my dealership to buy a car and has been liking my status. We start talking and she asked what happened and kept it short and polite. I ask her what happened with her and her recent bf and we kinda connected and she brought up there sex problems and me being the dumb ass that I am I told her that I could help her out with that. She said she would consider but brought up how she and my ex would hook up while me and her were together and she didn’t want me to know. I got so upset as my last bit of trust was shredded and I went nuts but not on her. I ended up calling my ex asking her about it and she asked why am I calling her with stupid PLEASE READ(wow but true I guess) she hung up and I left her 3 terrible voice mails bringing up her issues and how I never did these things to her and she missed out on something good if she treated the relationship right from the beginning. I then proceeded to rip her on 2 Facebook posts. One calling her a whore basically and the other a screen shot of a text she sent me about responding and our anniversary. Caption said about her being in a relationship but still hitting me up. I sent her best friend every text message she sent me about giving her a chance literally all the juicy PLEASE READ she probably said the opposite to them and the text from that girl about her cheating.. 4 hours later I did delete them but 2 days later I posted on reddit describing the whole relationship and how I felt I was treated and I’m sure she seen it but maybe not.
You might say I’m dramatic as I’m going through therapy and trying to help myself as I have bpd also. I just went into a rage and if she’s not going to listen I want to be heard! My buddy saw her at a restaurant and said hi but she ignored and from what I was told she looks pretty lost and a lot thinner. and she was with a girl(probably the one she was cheating on me with and he told me she’s definitely not a looker) I hope she’s not on drugs but this was over a month ago now so longest she’s ever been without contact. You think my outburst has officially painted me black? Or do they come back for more chaos after being said those things? I do miss her a lot but not worth it

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Radcliff]

Have you discussed these events with your therapist?  What might you do differently next time?

RC

[Chicagobloo]

Yes I have. And I have no idea there will be a next time after that. But it was more of a statement to stop messing with me. It’s exhausting honestly and one can take so much. I didn’t respond to her because I don’t want to be recycled again. I do feel terrible about the things I said tho but it was true! I’m still figuring out how to respond to a adult child.

[Radcliff]

I’m still figuring out how to respond to a adult child.

Your other friend told you about her activities with your ex.  Were you responding to an adult child, or chasing her to make a point?  Would it have been possible to walk away and not say anything?

Detaching from a relationship takes time.  In the beginning, we are likely to be highly reactive to the actions of our former partner.  Basically, their actions, or even us thinking about them, can drive us nuts.  With time and effort, we can become more reactive and give more of our energy to where we want to be going and things we want to be doing.  The Detaching board has some good lessons on this:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=136462.0

RC

[Chicagobloo]

Well I know now to not react for myself and her. The other day my buddy looked her name up to see she Unfriended him but he scrolled through her profile pictures and all of our kissing and holding hand pics are still up. I find that odd but could just be me

[Radcliff]

Has there been any contact with her in the last couple of weeks?

RC

[Chicagobloo]

No there hasn’t. She knows I’m upset. I’m playing a game myself by posting my activities on Facebook because it’s public but I’m actually honestly enjoying the things I’m doing not just doing things to show off. I don’t think contacting her right now is the good thing. But the way I’ve thought about it is that if my replacement was so great she wouldn’t have been on me all the time as if we’re just in a long distance relationship.

[Chicagobloo]

Quick update: she messaged me on my phone to ask if I tried to log into her Facebook. She said she noticed it’s from Indiana for the log in ( both from Illinois but she knows I’m in Indiana based on my Facebook check ins. And proceeded to call me a child and she doesn’t know why I’m still concerned with her. Very random as I haven’t tried to do that

[Radcliff]

How are you doing?  What are your thoughts on a relationship with her, getting back together vs. moving on? 

RC

[Chicagobloo]

I’m actually doing fine. Been focusing on myself for the most part and hanging with friends. And I’m torn between wanting to be with her and not wanting too. So I still have some thinking to do but I dont like being accused of trying to get into her Facebook when I didn’t at all

[Radcliff]

False accusations can be very upsetting.  Great plan to focus on yourself.  Keep us posted on how you're doing.

RC