clvrnn
 Offline
Gender: 
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken Up
Posts: 501
|
 |
« on: October 03, 2019, 02:04:39 PM » |
|
Hello all, I wondered if it would be possible to gain some perspective on a situation I'm in.
Ex split up with me in Feb. We attend uni together. The uni is very small, the classes are close-knit and everyone talks to everyone in our class. She distanced herself/broke up with me three times, each time after we had been getting closer.
The third time she did it, in Feb, was the worst. She had an anger outburst in front of her family, then ended things with me. She then said we could be friends, but then disappeared and stopped responding to me completely. I get that exes don't talk, but tbh none of her behaviour was making sense.
I worked on myself as well as I could over the last few months, knowing that I would be going back to uni and seeing her, and knowing that this would affect me. And it has.
She has come back to uni and is very quiet, she doesn't appear to be speaking to anyone, even people she knows. I don't know if this has something to do with her feeling funny about being around me again, or maybe it isn't. She did this once before, after a break up. Came in, and acted very quiet/withdrawn - I then reached out, and she was responsive. In fact, pretty much everything she's done is something she's done before.
I have debated getting in touch - I have healed more than I thought, but there are days when this is all still difficult. My reasoning for getting in touch with her is that a) she's done all this before, and it's often me that has to make the first move and b) then I will know for definite that there is no going back.
I have read a lot about BPD, and she in particular seems to perform this withdrawn/quiet act whenever she is feeling low/anxious. I have never seen any displays of emotion from her, only this withdrawal behaviour. I suspect also that it could be a form of her trying to manipulate me into contacting her (me feeling sorry for her, her regretting causing the break up but not being able to admit it). I am also aware that this behaviour could mean nothing, and maybe she just doesn't want anything to do with me.
That is partly why I'd like to attempt contact, to find out whether it's that she's regretting it or that she wants nothing to do with me - I recognise that the relationship is over, but I also recognise that she didn't end it because she felt nothing - in fact the opposite, as is the case with BPD.
I am also struggling because I do want to move on, but it's increasingly difficult not to see/notice her, and it doesn't help being in that environment with her.
Can anyone offer any perspective, advice, etc? I feel like I just want to wrap this up in my head also, and I think sending a message and seeing the outcome will help me do that.
Of course - none of this may have anything to do with me. I'm not naive enough to think that all of her behaviour and life is about me, but she has acted this way before, which is why I then think like this. If this was the first time she'd done this, I'd not assume anything about it. But this is very habitual behaviour.
|
