4 months NC... but I just checked her social media.

[hmf2234]

Hello folks.

Haven't posted in a few months! Been successfully in NC since june 11th and I am doing pretty well emotionally. I feel emotionally detached for the most part, but she's still on my mind and yesterday I checked her instagram account... and I didn't get any anxiety or panic attacks, so I'm doing fairly well imo. But I did find out something interesting as a result of checking.

Quick bullet point recap:
- she moved out last week of September 2018, 2 days before our planned vacation
- the very next day she started seeing a guy we'll call "P"
- She is with P for about 2.5 months while calling me almost daily, then wants to "work on things" again.
- New years until march "we're working on things", meanwhile she's seeing a guy called "D"
- I find out she's seeing D, fallout happens, we don't talk for 2 weeks. She starts seeing mr. "F"
- Moves to Florida for Mr. F and has been there ever since, tried keeping contact with me while keeping it all a secret
- I started NC. Here I am 4 months later.

So I checked her IG last night and seen a "national boyfriend" day post of Mr. F and the caption wrote "A year ago you told me I'd wind up living in Florida and I laughed at you".

So clearly she knew him longer than I expected. I assumed she didn't know him before Mr. P and Mr. D, but I guess she was playing and manipulating all of us that entire time? wow. .

I thought they met sometime after march, but clearly "a year ago" would put the timeline back to last october when she was still h-o-o-vering me while she was with Mr. P.

At this point I'm not even remotely surprised, kind of numb to it honestly. It's like "wow, how crappy of a person is she really". Now I'm just thinking to myself that probably nothing about us was real, I just satisfied her fear of abandonment at the time and eventually she didn't need me anymore.

She's out there posting screenshots of her text messages with mr F:
"why are you with me" - something she always used to ask me, and of course he replies with the typical lovely dovey crap everyone does in their honey moon stage.

"because you are everything that is beautiful, you are nurturing and compassionate with a touch of sass and attitude. You are perfect for me and I love you"

And her caption to that is of course "get yourselves a man like him, this is why I am such a brat"

I'm over here rolling my eyes because she used to seek constant validation like that from me and I clearly didn't deliver on the level this guy does. Idk. just venting at this point. Don't want to bother my loved ones with this nonsense after months of not speaking about her to them. Just glad to have a place to get my thoughts out.

Thanks guys. 

[BrokenSpokane]

Wow. Yeah, that's the pattern. I'm learning that that's what they do. I can relate. We broke up 2 weeks ago and I know she's on a dating app looking for, "something casual". She can't go more than a week without sex and she's told me on more than one occasion she's had more sexual partners than she can count. She doesn't know. But, sexual behavior like that is part of the disorder (or drugs, alcohol, excessive spending).

I was sharing this with my therapist yesterday, for it really hurts me to know she's doing that. It cheapens the long term relationship we had and makes me feel like she never cared at all about me, she just used me for financial and emotional support. Then my therapist pointed out frankly, "yes, she's looking for sex. That's what she does. It's not normal because she's not a normal person".

I have to keep reminding myself that I'm trying to apply normal person logic to a not normal person.

My therapist then asked me, "what are YOU doing?" Meaning, I need to focus on me and what I need to heal.

Sorry to hear that's happening. It's not normal.

[hmf2234]

Wow. Yeah, that's the pattern. I'm learning that that's what they do. I can relate. We broke up 2 weeks ago and I know she's on a dating app looking for, "something casual". She can't go more than a week without sex and she's told me on more than one occasion she's had more sexual partners than she can count. She doesn't know. But, sexual behavior like that is part of the disorder (or drugs, alcohol, excessive spending).

I can relate to this. The need for sex is just their way of temporarily satisfying their void as it gives them temporary validation that boosts their fragile ego. My ex is officially diagnosed with manic bi-polar disorder and from the research i've done, 80% of them seem to also suffer from hyper sexuality as a result.

She always initiated sex with me, and when I was tired and simply not in the mood she took that very hard, automatically she'd assume I was no longer attracted to her and then lead to her perceived belief that I no longer loved her... que the abandonment issues.

I was sharing this with my therapist yesterday, for it really hurts me to know she's doing that. It cheapens the long term relationship we had and makes me feel like she never cared at all about me, she just used me for financial and emotional support. Then my therapist pointed out frankly, "yes, she's looking for sex. That's what she does. It's not normal because she's not a normal person".

I have to keep reminding myself that I'm trying to apply normal person logic to a not normal person.

Yes, it is extremely hurtful. I know the pain you are going through because I was going through that for 8 months post breakup. I let her string me along all while she was out there doing her thing. So was I, but I was holding out hope we'd get back together... those are the dreams she sold me on, meanwhile she was just looking for someone to fill her emotional void so that she can move on. Essentially I was used as a temporary source of narcissistic supply.

What ever question you may have you just have to answer them with "it's because she is broken". I have come to terms with that in my own situation. It doesn't make sense to us and it never will, and its because they are simply broken. It's useless to try to understand.

I wish I saved myself 8 month of emotional agony and just went NC from the very beginning. I suggest you do the same. It will be hard as all hell to do that. That first month will suck and you will long for them, but stay true to yourself and focus on you! It will get easier with time, trust the process!

[BrokenSpokane]

I suggest you do the same. It will be hard as all hell to do that. That first month will suck and you will long for them, but stay true to yourself and focus on you! It will get easier with time, trust the process!

Thank you.  Sorry you went through that as well.  Time will heal and I have another therapy session tomorrow, which I'm looking forward to.  But, you gave good advice. "She's broken".  I need to keep reminding myself that and focus on me so I can have a healthy, loving relationship in the future.  I think also my perception of the perfect relationship we had wasn't really perfect.