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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Recycle / charming attempts after nasty breakups?  (Read 82 times)
Fewer than 3 Posts
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2

« on: October 06, 2019, 05:58:27 AM »


I have been in two relationships with BPD girls. The first one, around 7-6 years ago, was a LDR with a BPD with NPD & HPD traits, which lasted for approximately 1 year and 3 months. We both kinda drifted, but my own reasons were the realizations that I couldn't meet her unrealistic expectations & the fact that she was so self-absorbed and rarely showed affection towards me. So I went NC. Since then she has been trying for years to charm me back, every few months I'd receive Skype messages, and I also received Facebook messages (to which I promptly responded by shutting down my FB acc). Last charm attempt was in last June this year. Kinda weird how she doesn't get the message of my silence.

The second one, was very recent, it was with a BPD girl with a classic case of the disorder. She was vastly different from the first girl. The lovebombing and idealization really shook me up, and I believe she is extremely low-functioning compared to the first one. We only lasted around 2.5 months, and the discard was nasty - the smear campaign, along with the fact that she owes me 5K euro of which she refuses to pay back and just shuts down communication. I also threatened to report/sue her for financial theft, to which she responded in hostile manner. Eventually I backed off (this girl is crazy!), and decided to cut the losses and move on. I decided to initiate No Contact (NC) starting tomorrow.

I wonder if there are chances she might try to charm me sometime in the future. Thoughts?

NC - 07.10.2019
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 152

« Reply #1 on: October 06, 2019, 06:20:36 AM »

Hello Alixor,

I'm sorry what you've been through.

With my exBPDgf, i invested in her beauty salon, i paid her medical bills and i spend a lot of more money with her. And when she "discarded" me for another, it seemed like none of that actions counted.

The main question to address you, i think, is to ask you "Do you want her to charm you?"

Can you give us more details of your relationship? How did it started, how did it end? Why do you gave her the money? How much time endured the honeymoon / love bombing period? When did you start observing BPD behavior?
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