All is quiet, until it's not...

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I know how to keep a low profile with my mother who is living with BPD, as well as DIDs. I check in with a phone call every week or so, send Snapchats of my LO, text when I'm thinking about her, keep things light. Not living in the same city as her gives me a safe buffer from all the drama, but when the proverbial s@%t hits the fan, everyone gets splattered.

After my mother had a huge fight and disagreement with my sister (which I heard all about from my sister the night it happened), I chatted with my mother today about it. I listened, I let her tell her side of the story, and I was compassionate. I validated by saying things like "That sucks", "I'm really sorry that happened to you", "I can see how this must be hard for you", etc. Her reaction was saying things like "Oh, and I bet you believe your sister", "If you talked to her right after why didn't you call me to see how I was doing", "No one understands my illness"... Things are good and quiet, until they're not good and quiet anymore. The worst part of this was that after talking to her for over an hour on the phone, and trying to chase my LO around to keep him out of trouble while doing so, I found myself frustrated... How can I keep the wall up around my conversations with my mother so it doesn't trickle into the other aspects of my life? I've been struggling with this for a long time now, and any advice would be much appreciated <3

[Boscorelli2010]

I know how to keep a low profile with my mother who is living with BPD, as well as DIDs. I check in with a phone call every week or so, send Snapchats of my LO, text when I'm thinking about her, keep things light. Not living in the same city as her gives me a safe buffer from all the drama, but when the proverbial s@%t hits the fan, everyone gets splattered.

After my mother had a huge fight and disagreement with my sister (which I heard all about from my sister the night it happened), I chatted with my mother today about it. I listened, I let her tell her side of the story, and I was compassionate. I validated by saying things like "That sucks", "I'm really sorry that happened to you", "I can see how this must be hard for you", etc. Her reaction was saying things like "Oh, and I bet you believe your sister", "If you talked to her right after why didn't you call me to see how I was doing", "No one understands my illness"... Things are good and quiet, until they're not good and quiet anymore. The worst part of this was that after talking to her for over an hour on the phone, and trying to chase my LO around to keep him out of trouble while doing so, I found myself frustrated... How can I keep the wall up around my conversations with my mother so it doesn't trickle into the other aspects of my life? I've been struggling with this for a long time now, and any advice would be much appreciated <3

[TelHill]

The volcano erupted! I know that feeling of hearing that nice conversation with mom turn into a cross examination by the meanest attorney.

One thing I would suggest is to read about the Karpman Drama triangle if you haven’t yet. I have it memorized. I still forget about it in the heat of the moment.