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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: New baby  (Read 64 times)
BobsBurger

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 9


« on: October 09, 2019, 09:23:08 AM »

So turns out drunk me eventually succumbs to Facebook stalking....It took 18months for it to happen but here we are.

She unfriended me I guess although I'm not the best at knowing how Facebook works but there's no hiding her profile picture which is her holding her new baby.

I'm not totally sure why it hurts. I guess it's a solid sign of the fact I've been trying to move on and suppress my sadness for so long but never actually moved on. Deep down I somehow still wanted her to decide she'd made a horrible mistake and come back. But meanwhile she's moved on with her life and it turns out all my trying to get through each day and move on was really me waiting...and the rediculous dreams I was trying to suppress are shattered again. The life I wanted with her hapenned without me
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Lucky Jim
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 5751


« Reply #1 on: October 09, 2019, 09:39:14 AM »

Hey Bobsburger, I'm sure it doesn't feel good right now, but from my perspective your discovery may be helpful in the sense that it provides a clear statement that things are over and she has moved on, which in turn will help you to move on.  It's a painful process, I know, yet leads to greater happiness, which is what it's all about, right?  At some point, I predict you will be grateful to have parted ways.

LuckyJim

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    A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
George Bernard Shaw
BobsBurger

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 9


« Reply #2 on: October 09, 2019, 10:09:33 AM »

it provides a clear statement that things are over and she has moved on, which in turn will help you to move on.

Hey LuckyJim, I know you're right and hopefully this will be a turning point. It kind of has to be
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Lucky Jim
********
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 5751


« Reply #3 on: October 09, 2019, 11:13:55 AM »

Excerpt
hopefully this will be a turning point. It kind of has to be

Hey Bobsburger, Right, it's time to let go.  Maybe, on some level, you are breathing a sigh of relief.  It hurts, I know, but frees you up from a holding pattern.

LJ
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    A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
George Bernard Shaw
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I applaud the work you all are doing here, together. It's why I have recommended BPDFamily in my book "Abnormal and Clinical Psychology: An Introductory Textbook". I've found this site to be purposed, centered and accepting. It is an invaluable resource.
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