I am new to this site. I am experiencing challenges not getting hooked by my partner's angry emotional outbursts that come from what seem to me to be inconsequential triggers, though I understand they are very real triggers for my partner. I am familiar with the BPD patterns and anxiety/control/unloading/despair cycle. At the same time, I am not consistently able to neutralize my innate human self-protection response to his BPD episodes. I often feel a need to self-protect during my partner's outbursts, as they are generally focused on me. My spouse is very successful in his work and appears to others as charming and helpful and loving, which are authentic aspects of his personality. However, during his episodes which he appears to save for me, he is a totally different person full of rage and hostility. I feel so sad for him and us, and like a failure as a wife and friend even though I know I am not. I am just looking for some understanding from others who may relate to my experience. I love him very much. I am also very, very tired of the BPC rollercoaster.
Hi! You are not alone. I can relate 100% to what you're going through and it is so hard. My husband also has bpd and has irrational outbursts of anger. It can be terrifying and of course trigger my self-preserving instincts. I understand that all too well. I usually just retreat and avoid him as much as possible. The frustrating things for me are trying to shield our daughter from his episodes and him acting like nothing happened the next day.
I wish there was a way to get your husband to admit his need for help. That's what I wish for everyone who's dealing with someone with bpd. My husband ended up cutting himself and doing some other self-destructive behaviors recently and he decided to go to the doctor who prescribed him some meds and referred him to a psychologist (whom he has yet to see).
Anyway, you are NOT alone and millions of people can relate. It sucks big time and I'm sorry for you. I really hope he can get some help
