This is all so new

[TheWiz76]

Hello

This is my first post as I just joined a few minutes ago. My SO has BPD, or at least it seems he does. In other words it’s my diagnosis and not from a mental health professional. I just started seeing a new therapist for my PTSD and was discussing my partner with her and she said he may be suffering from BPD. I had never heard of it before and suggested I get the Eggshells book. I just purchased the companion workbook today. I believe she’s correct with the BPD.

I’ve been with my partner for 22 years- I’m 61 and he’s 47. When we first started going together and I began noticing some of the traits, I just wrote it off to he’s had a rough life and all I need to do is love him and we’ll be alright. The reason I said he had it tough was he was born with CP and walks with the forearm crutches. I have pretty much worshipped him and it hasn’t worked. I am starting to feel worn out at this point.

Not long ago he screamed at me at the top of his lungs because I used linguini instead of spaghetti in the pasta dish I prepared for dinner. I finally stopped him with “My god you’re carrying on like this over noodles!”.

Before this first post you supplied some prompts to get started and I honestly didn’t know what to select. It’s over, try to repair it, leave?

Some time he just gets so angry with me and I think the best thing to do is leave the house for a while as he obviously doesn’t want me around and then he starts calling wondering when I’m coming home. I am so confused. He’ll often use the excuse that the dog is looking for me and missing me when he calls after one of those outbursts.

Every thing is my fault. About the only thing I don’t get blamed for is his CP. There is very little he sees his part in. He brags about to others how he has no filter like it’s a real virtue and he doesn’t see how hurtful his tongue can be.

Guess this is enough for a first post. Thanks so much for listening!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Radcliff]

You've found a great place to get support and learn coping tools.  You are not alone.  Everything you've described is something that's been experienced by many of our members.  It's good that you are able to leave to get some space sometimes.  Can you tell us a little more about how that goes?  What does he say?  How do you react?  When/how do you make a decision to leave?

RC

[Harri]

Hi! 

I want to join Radcliff and say .  You are definitely in the right spot and we can help support you as you work your way towards healing and learning new and better coping skills regardless of the eventual status of your relationship.

Radcliff (RC) asked some good questions so i do not want to pile on with more.  Instead, I will encourage you to read articles and threads and jump in and post as you see fit.  We all work together to support each other.

Again, welcome

[Thayan]

Sounds like you are starting to set some boundaries. How much do you think gets communicated or understood when you tell him why you left the house? I'm still working a lot on how to set boundaries that work and that aren't just me enabling my own detachment. What has your experience been?