Ex literally unblocked and blocked me AGAIN . Getting ridiculous lol

[secretgirl]

Okay so yesterday he literally unblocked me to accuse me of stealing his movie Points then blocked me again...  tonight he literally did the same unblock and block move AGAIN saying “still can’t believe you did that.” Like do I block him? Is this game playing? At this point I don’t even care as much anymore as it’s just plain and simply childish and annoying.
Like does he want to work something out or not ? I’m not playing games.
Suggestions? I mean in terms of how I can move forward from this. And what this all means

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[babyducks]

I will throw this idea out there …. see what you think.

much of an abusive relationship is about power and control.       much of a BPD or High Conflict relationship is about power and control.     people with insecure attachment styles feel more connected to the relationship and safer in it, when they have control over it.   

so is he playing a game?   No not really.     pwBPD process life in predictable ways that are different from how you and I would.    he is expressing that he feels victimized by you... and he's doing it a way that keeps him from feeling vulnerable.

should you block him?      what would the benefit be of blocking him?   what would you get from that?     

my suggestion would be to use the skills and tools here.      Don't JADE.    Justify.   Argue.    Defend.   Or Explain.        Don't engage in drama baiting.     If he is looking for an argument, or a reaction...   why give him one?       Sometimes pwBPD generate an argument so they can offload their intense emotions.   It's a maladaptive way to soothe their emotions.      Would this argument or reaction start with movie Points and then readily escalate to engulf every other thing that has happened in the relationship?     if so that's bait.     why pick it up?

what do you think?

[secretgirl]

I will throw this idea out there …. see what you think.

much of an abusive relationship is about power and control.       much of a BPD or High Conflict relationship is about power and control.     people with insecure attachment styles feel more connected to the relationship and safer in it, when they have control over it.   

so is he playing a game?   No not really.     pwBPD process life in predictable ways that are different from how you and I would.    he is expressing that he feels victimized by you... and he's doing it a way that keeps him from feeling vulnerable.

should you block him?      what would the benefit be of blocking him?   what would you get from that?     

my suggestion would be to use the skills and tools here.      Don't JADE.    Justify.   Argue.    Defend.   Or Explain.        Don't engage in drama baiting.     If he is looking for an argument, or a reaction...   why give him one?       Sometimes pwBPD generate an argument so they can offload their intense emotions.   It's a maladaptive way to soothe their emotions.      Would this argument or reaction start with movie Points and then readily escalate to engulf every other thing that has happened in the relationship?     if so that's bait.     why pick it up?

what do you think?

Very true. But he’s not allowing me to respond regardless that’s what’s getting to me. He’s playing the victim to he can make himself feel better for the wrongdoing he did last week I’m assuming . I honestly do feel bad for him that he can’t realize his part in it all. But why poke at me? If he’s going to block me anyway why even bother messaging me ? That’s my question. From my POV it could be seen as harassment in the sense that he’s holding the power while accusing me of things I didn’t do? Doesn’t look very good on his end ya know?

[babyducks]

. But why poke at me? If he’s going to block me anyway why even bother messaging me ?

very well could be he is soothing himself.   

his thinking could run along these lines:

-that secretgirl …. she never really did treat me well...no she was never really fair to me...  (devaluing)    she took my movie points... I should tell her off... I never did anything mean to her... (black and white thinking)    I'll tell her that I am on to her... (intense emotions that change rapidly)  but I am not going to listen to any of that nonsense she says...

it's not about having a conversation …. it's about dumping emotions he can't process on you.      you aren't required to participate.   he's making himself feel better.

[secretgirl]

Ahhh I see! Thanks for explaining it to me in laymen’s terms , so to speak. So basically I have no choice but to ignore

[babyducks]

That depends on what you want.

If you want to have a conversation about movie points,   you can stick to the facts.     "Your movie points got used in July when XYZ happened "

If you want to talk about something else you can try to use this as a bridge.   "I can talk to you about movie points and other things but not like this.     Do you want to XYZ? "

[secretgirl]

That depends on what you want.

If you want to have a conversation about movie points,   you can stick to the facts.     "Your movie points got used in July when XYZ happened "

If you want to talk about something else you can try to use this as a bridge.   "I can talk to you about movie points and other things but not like this.     Do you want to XYZ? "

Well I can’t talk to him because he blocked me
And I don’t know when his movie points got used because I never used them. Why would I? He’s used them once with me when him and I went to a film together .
And then he sent me a pic of his points card once to buy ya tickets online for another movie which I didn’t end up doing because we got into a fight .

I would never use anything of anyone’s without asking or steal. That’s not in my moral code.
Not to mention , it’s a dumb accusation because I have plenty of other people including my mother to lend me money if I really wanted to see a movie so it’s really a very trivial thing for him to accuse me of which makes no sense at all. I think he’s doing it on purpose because he knows it makes me mad to question my morality. He knows it’s the one thing that pi*sses me off so to speak because I never cheat, lie or steal. Those are my three big no no’s. The one. Thing I’ve ever stolen in my life was a sticker in grade 2 which my mom made me return and apologize for.
Whereas my ex grew up stealing his entire childhood so it’s ironic he’s accusing me of stealing if anything...

Or if it’s not on purpose , it’s like you said, he’s self soothing. But either case I can’t do much right now from my end seeing as I’m blocked over the phone . I think if he does leave an open way of communication I won’t JADE I’ll just kind of deflect the attention off that like you said in your previous message ... thank you!

[Anonym2806]

Well I can’t talk to him because he blocked me
And I don’t know when his movie points got used because I never used them. Why would I? He’s used them once with me when him and I went to a film together .
And then he sent me a pic of his points card once to buy ya tickets online for another movie which I didn’t end up doing because we got into a fight .

I would never use anything of anyone’s without asking or steal. That’s not in my moral code.
Not to mention , it’s a dumb accusation because I have plenty of other people including my mother to lend me money if I really wanted to see a movie so it’s really a very trivial thing for him to accuse me of which makes no sense at all. I think he’s doing it on purpose because he knows it makes me mad to question my morality. He knows it’s the one thing that pi*sses me off so to speak because I never cheat, lie or steal. Those are my three big no no’s. The one. Thing I’ve ever stolen in my life was a sticker in grade 2 which my mom made me return and apologize for.
Whereas my ex grew up stealing his entire childhood so it’s ironic he’s accusing me of stealing if anything...

Or if it’s not on purpose , it’s like you said, he’s self soothing. But either case I can’t do much right now from my end seeing as I’m blocked over the phone . I think if he does leave an open way of communication I won’t JADE I’ll just kind of deflect the attention off that like you said in your previous message ... thank you!

Hi Secretgirl,

How are you? How do you feel today?
Any news or are you still blocked?

[secretgirl]

Hi Secretgirl,

How are you? How do you feel today?
Any news or are you still blocked?

I’m ok thx Anon how are you?
Still blocked . Not much I can do at this point except start moving on :-(

[Anonym2806]

I’m ok thx Anon how are you?
Still blocked . Not much I can do at this point except start moving on :-(

I'm ok thanks.
It's crazy how it's difficult to move on with this kind of situation.
Even if it's difficult, I wish you to be happy first.
I hope you will get what you want.

[secretgirl]

I'm ok thanks.
It's crazy how it's difficult to move on with this kind of situation.
Even if it's difficult, I wish you to be happy first.
I hope you will get what you want.

Thank you Anon! I have some sad moments but overall , I can see a lot of bad in my r/s with him and it makes me question whether or not I even want to go back.

[RomanticFool]

Hi Secretgirl,

Okay so yesterday he literally unblocked me to accuse me of stealing his movie Points then blocked me again...  tonight he literally did the same unblock and block move AGAIN saying “still can’t believe you did that.” Like do I block him? Is this game playing? At this point I don’t even care as much anymore as it’s just plain and simply childish and annoying.
Like does he want to work something out or not ? I’m not playing games.
Suggestions? I mean in terms of how I can move forward from this. And what this all means Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

This sounds so familar to me. My ex was constantly blocking and unblocking me. I think once this game starts it's a bad sign. It means there is a lack of respect and devaluation has started. I actually wish I had not engaged in any WhatsApp texting arguments with my ex. I did actually try calling her instead of getting into these arguments but she would literally shout me down on the phone. I think the best thing to do in this situation is not to JADE and get into arguments but wait until he has calmed down and try and talk to him face to face. My ex was usually more reasonable face to face (though not at the end of the r/s where she would shout at me in the street) but I think the level of mutual anger we displayed during our texting arguments turned the r/s toxic much quicker than it would have done. I'm guilty of engaging in too much of this and it turned her against me. Somebody said to me once that texting should only be used to make a date. I think with a BPD face to face is usually a better outcome. It's going to be difficult whatever you do once they get into this paranoic mindset, but it's a question of trying to figure out what is fuelling the issue.

[secretgirl]

Hi Secretgirl,

This sounds so familar to me. My ex was constantly blocking and unblocking me. I think once this game starts it's a bad sign. It means there is a lack of respect and devaluation has started. I actually wish I had not engaged in any WhatsApp texting arguments with my ex. I did actually try calling her instead of getting into these arguments but she would literally shout me down on the phone. I think the best thing to do in this situation is not to JADE and get into arguments but wait until he has calmed down and try and talk to him face to face. My ex was usually more reasonable face to face (though not at the end of the r/s where she would shout at me in the street) but I think the level of mutual anger we displayed during our texting arguments turned the r/s toxic much quicker than it would have done. I'm guilty of engaging in too much of this and it turned her against me. Somebody said to me once that texting should only be used to make a date. I think with a BPD face to face is usually a better outcome. It's going to be difficult whatever you do once they get into this paranoic mindset, but it's a question of trying to figure out what is fuelling the issue.

Hi RF thank you for responding and I 100% agree with everything you said ... it is the davaluation stage starting and I agree that I shouldn’t have engaged in more jade and texting. Honestly the jade was my worst enemy in this relationship. I didn’t know anything about bpd before this bf and I think I messed it up by defending myself too much that’s probably why he won’t even let me defend myself when he unblocked me to accuse me of stealing his points then blocks me again... ugh at least I know for the future if I’m ever with a bpd man again what to do... I hope you’re holding up well... I know it’s hard they’re like a drug. We remember the “good times”.