Help me cope
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 3
|
 |
« on: November 10, 2019, 03:16:42 AM » |
|
Hi,
For the past nine years I have been desperate to figure out what is wrong with my husband. We've been to four therapists as a couple, he's had psychiatrists, multiple therapists, I have been in individual therapy...the whole marriage has been miserable.
Recently, after googling thousands of different phrases seeking answers, I began reading about BPD, and it describes him exactly. Everything except suicidality.
I have been so miserable for years, but he has threatened me with many irrational things regarding our six-year-old son - that he'll "destroy" me in court, etc...
And, while I know it's not a "good" reason to stay in this marriage, i have worked incredibly hard to put us on solid ground financially - supported his career goals, I work long hours, I handle all our finances and strategic investments/ decisions, and I really don't want to lose all that I've built in the "partnership."
He is incredibly smart and successful, despite cycling through jobs with the same patterns (he perceives that he has somehow fallen out of favor and then slowly sabotages his position), but I have always felt like he's seriously emotionally stunted. It's like dealing with an eight year old child - he's mean and vindictive over imaginary slights, incredibly vulnerable, has no financial literacy, repeats poor decisions over and over, can't think through basic responsibility or life skills, and bickers with our son like a sibling, even while spoiling him rotten to win favor. He gets jealous if my son and I are having even momentary fun together and attempts to distract him to get immediate attention...
It's exhausting.
Then there's the jealousy, suspicion, anxiety, paranoia. He is constantly (ALWAYS) on his own phone - social media monitoring, etc...but if I even glance at mine in his presence he asks what I'm looking at, who texted me. If I am out of his sight for more than two minutes, he'll text me in the restroom to find out where I am.
He immediately imagines people are blaming him or mad at him, which can make him go from adoring someone he just met to ugly, sarcastic remarks months later.
He says things that are so juvenile and inappropriate, drawing attention to himself.
I just don't know how to be a normal person anymore. I have tried everything. He's a bottomless pit of self-centered concern. I could give hundreds of outrageous examples that have taken a severe toll on my quality of life, and my son's.
How can I deal with this for the rest of my life, or, how can I leave him without the inevitable rage and retaliation?
I also feel deeply sorry for him. It's pitiful, even when he's accusing me of horrible things or reminding me of every minute failure in my life, which I don't internalize; my own self-esteem is high, I am successful and fully capable of managing my own life...but he is so NOT capable of anything. I feel like if i do figure out how to leave him, he's just like, completely pathetic and won't be able to manage anything.
Can anyone help/ relate/ give me advice? I can't believe I have finally found the precise diagnosis. I haven't had time in the past few days to set up a new therapy appointment with someone who specializes in support for this.
Thanks...
|
