ex reached out after a month and a bit.

[secretgirl]

hmmm... so it's been almost a month and a few days since my ubpdexbf and I broke up...
he texted me today saying he's very sorry and he didn't realize what he did until today and he said I was an awesome person. I tried replying something simple to see where the conversation would lead... so I just said "thank you." But he still has me blocked... I think he actually doesn't realize he blocked me... or he just wanted to get it off his chest maybe and not get a reply?
Thoughts? Anyone had this before?

Second set of questions...
is this charming ? Do you genuinely think he's sorry? I guess I wouldn't even know unless we had a conversation regardless... but it could be my choice anyways in the end if he's painting me white right now... what do you guys think?
I mean I'm not even given an option right now because I'm blocked but yah... I think this is where you guys' help/opinions would come in because I've never been in a situation like this before nor do I know what to expect/what my expectations should be etc. So I really appreciate anyone reading this and replying...
and just an FYI, thank you so much for your responses up until this point... you've been a wonderful support system and I will forever be grateful.

I'm still unsure if I would even want to be with him again because I feel I am not very emotionally capable. I don't know how I'd be able to not JADE. I am aware that is a hard thing for me right now not to do... on my own personal growth level.
However, today was the second day since we broke up that I cried... and when he texted me and I read his text I felt such an overwhelming wave of emotion and sadness come over me.  So I finally was able to let most of my grief out... it felt SO GOOD even just to release that energy...
I am feeling a bit more refreshed /rejuvenated (I know it sounds odd) after my crying episode today.
I was picturing all the times he held me when I cried (when he was behaving well), and how many times when he was good, he was there for me and cared. I think that's where most of his and my issues lied... it was when we fought in person things ALWAYS resolved because he would see me sad and then feel bad and start crying too and we would both hug and cry... it was so intense.

And when we were fighting over the phone that's when it NEVER ended well. Just like our last and final argument (over text). I'm assuming that's the out of sight out of mind idea...?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Turkish]

I think he actually doesn't realize he blocked me.

Likely this. His emotions may be all over the place. The connection is still there.  I dealt with it for a few years even after my ex married the guy she left me for.  There'd be a fight, she'd call me, crying... apologies. Those may have been sincere, but they weren't to fix anything between us, but to soothe her feelings.

[secretgirl]

Likely this. His emotions may be all over the place. The connection is still there.  I dealt with it for a few years even after my ex married the guy she left me for.  There'd be a fight, she'd call me, crying... apologies. Those may have been sincere, but they weren't to fix anything between us, but to soothe her feelings.

thx for the reply Turkish... I'm very sorry about your ex... if that's the case I guess I should not even bother spending much time thinking about it.

That's very terrible that your ex ran to you when her new guy and her were fighting... what did you do about this? That must've been hard.
I'm unaware of my ex having a new girl already but that would definitely change my mind of even bothering to want to reply at all.

[Turkish]

It's hard to get past a block. If you want to contact him, are there other ways?

[secretgirl]

It's hard to get past a block. If you want to contact him, are there other ways?

No not really because I don't have social media right now. And I'm not really wanting to reactivate/create it again just to search for him on there and message him. Sucks.

[secretgirl]

New update... My ex texted me a longer msg... so I'm not sure if he blocked me or if he just shut his phone off yesterday to not deal with the response until later in the evening but it did show as "delivered" around 10:30 pm... and this morning I woke up to another text about how I'm so great and amazing and how he was playing games the whole time and agreed that it wasn't right etc. and went off about how he's finally "woken up" to see his mistake...

Thoughts? I'm still honestly angry and haven't replied much yet because I don't want to be reactive. But the fact is, he broke my heart. He ignored me whenever it was convenient for him. How can I trust him again that this won't happen again? I'm unsure. How do you guys usually resolve these issues? Or do you just leave it? I mean a part of me is sad... very very sad because the good stuff was very good but a part of me is also conflicted because I've been so stress free the last month without him. I'm not sure what he would even have to do to prove himself to me and if he's even capable to be honest (probably the reality of the situation).

[once removed]

I'm still honestly angry and haven't replied much yet

are you unblocked?

have you replied at all?

[secretgirl]

Hi OR
Yes I am ... I did reply we are just exchanging very short texts now. We had a small talk about how he really upset me and how I felt like it was torture being blocked . And he kept apologizing and saying he’s appreciative I’m even replying after his actions ... and then yesterday just very short back and forth response like hope you had a good day. Etc and just sending a heart here and there . He kept saying he misses me.
Not sure what to think though or do at this point ... it won’t be easy for me to trust him again so quick.
Not sure how to properly communicate that without triggering any episode again.

[once removed]

whats going on? any update?

[GoldenBubble]

I'm reminded of when my DH unfriended me on Facebook when he was in a dissociative state and then later accused me of unfriending him.  I literally had to show him my activity timeline to prove he had done it.  Then he said it was an accident.  So even though my common sense says it was intentional a bpd really might not realize they blocked you if they were dissociating.

[Stillhopeful4]

I'm reminded of when my DH unfriended me on Facebook when he was in a dissociative state and then later accused me of unfriending him.  I literally had to show him my activity timeline to prove he had done it.  Then he said it was an accident.  So even though my common sense says it was intentional a bpd really might not realize they blocked you if they were dissociating.

I had this happen to me last week.  My W removed me from snap and called me to ask if I blocked her.  I sent her all kinds of logs.  Funny thing is it happened during her birthday party and she was drunk, so I know she did it but she claims she doesn't know how it happened and she didn't do it.  I didn't even notice she had done it until she called and asked me if I blocked her.  She was so angry.  Then I had to jump thru hoops to unfriend her and request her back because she couldn't figure out how to find me again.  Needless to say exactly one week later she did it again and facebook too.

[secretgirl]

omg... im sorry you guys that you go through the same things too... it's tough but what it has taught me was two things:
1.) be not so attached that I live my daily life to the fullest with or without him.
and
2.) build up my tolerance so I'm also not so defensive and reactive etc. My T is helping with this by sometimes taking me to my own uncomfortable spaces and having me sit with it for a bit. It's hard because I tend to push my feelings aside a lot... but I think in the longrun, it'll help me with defensiveness, and reactive abuse.

In my case, my exubpdbf and I are still talking but I'm a bit reluctant as to dive in again. He knows he must rebuild trust... and he keeps promising all these nice things but of course I'm weary because of past promises and how it ended up with him in anger, yet again, and accusing me and blocking me.
So , I think this time, I'll be there and reply but I won't be so "into it." if that makes sense? Is this a good idea?

[once removed]

what ended up happening sg? any update?

[secretgirl]

what ended up happening sg? any update?

Hey OR
Everything is a bit better as time goes by he blocked me again the other day but it seems to get less and less and he comes back sooner so I think just me changing my attitude helped. I don’t really take anything to heart as much anymore. When he’s happy it’s wonderful and he’s a perfect guy for me and makes me so happy but when he’s grumpy or I’m grumpy I tell him to take the time out or to try and not take it out on me and that seems to help him realize I’m still there for him and not leaving but Also helps him take a step back and think about his actions. It’s almost become so constant though that I’ve become sort of numb to it in a way? I just do what I want regardless now and don’t really live my life revolves around his feelings if that makes more sense . I live by the motto “it is what it is.”
It has seemed to become relatively more stable though but we both still have our snapping moments and I’ve worked very hard at not being as sensitive where I end up worsening the situation.

Not too sure how this will work LT but right now I’m just playing it day by day