Best friend with BPD

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hello, my best friend of 20 years just got out of the psych ward again for a suicide attempt. I love her and she is a really wonderful friend. I don’t want to disparage her at all, but I’m really exhausted. She is being treated for bipolar disorder, although she doesn’t exhibit any signs of it, and I’m not sure she’s ever been formally diagnosed. My feeling is that she has researched the symptoms and relays that to her doctors, who are giving her different medications, none of which work.

She has a major attachment disorder and whenever she enters a romantic relationship, she loses her mind, begins massive substance abuse, goes on about how awful they are— they are all narcissists. The ones I have met are not narcissists at all and seem truly perplexed by the high-conflict instigated by my friend.

Her mom, me, her other friends I’ve spoken with as well as her exes say BPD is the logical diagnosis. The diagnosis fits like a glove, but she has yet to be diagnosed and I find that truly astounding.

She will be at my house soon to talk about her relegations from the hospital that she needs to address why she only attracts narcissists, and she is very adamant a put me validating her assessment. If I don’t, she becomes defensive and panicked.

Like I said, I’m exhausted. I’m tired of her persistent self-analysis and her insistence that everyone else is the problem.

I don’t know how to respond to her or get her to see that BPD is the real problem. I have my own life to lead and I want to support her, but i do t think I can do anything. I definitely don’t want to validate her disordered perspective but the cognitive dissonance is too overwhelming.

I don’t know what I want to get from this post. I suppose just a listening ear and maybe some advice for those of you who relate.

Xoxo

[Bananatree]

Hello, my best friend of 20 years just got out of the psych ward again for a suicide attempt. I love her and she is a really wonderful friend. I don’t want to disparage her at all, but I’m really exhausted. She is being treated for bipolar disorder, although she doesn’t exhibit any signs of it, and I’m not sure she’s ever been formally diagnosed. My feeling is that she has researched the symptoms and relays that to her doctors, who are giving her different medications, none of which work.

She has a major attachment disorder and whenever she enters a romantic relationship, she loses her mind, begins massive substance abuse, goes on about how awful they are— they are all narcissists. The ones I have met are not narcissists at all and seem truly perplexed by the high-conflict instigated by my friend.

Her mom, me, her other friends I’ve spoken with as well as her exes say BPD is the logical diagnosis. The diagnosis fits like a glove, but she has yet to be diagnosed and I find that truly astounding.

She will be at my house soon to talk about her relegations from the hospital that she needs to address why she only attracts narcissists, and she is very adamant a put me validating her assessment. If I don’t, she becomes defensive and panicked.

Like I said, I’m exhausted. I’m tired of her persistent self-analysis and her insistence that everyone else is the problem.

I don’t know how to respond to her or get her to see that BPD is the real problem. I have my own life to lead and I want to support her, but i do t think I can do anything. I definitely don’t want to validate her disordered perspective but the cognitive dissonance is too overwhelming.

I don’t know what I want to get from this post. I suppose just a listening ear and maybe some advice for those of you who relate.

Xoxo

[Panda39]

Hi Bananatree,

Welcome to the group    Though none of us can diagnose BPD, I like you am here because in my totally unprofessional opinion my partners ex-wife exhibits BPD traits.

It sounds like you care about your friend but are finding yourself getting burntout in terms of her issues.  Self-care is really important when you have someone with BPD or BPD traits in your life.  It's like when you're on an airplane and the flight attendant does the oxygen mask demonstration.  They tell you to put your mask on first and then assist others.  Why? because you are no help to anyone else if you are unconscious.  It's the same when dealing with someone with BPD if you are emotionally exhausted you can't help your friend.  It is important that you take breaks and take care of you.

I've pulled a link that relates to your post that you might want to check out... "Why are therapists hesitant to give a BPD Diagnosis"  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=68149.0

I also pulled another link about the "Does and Dont's in a BPD Relationship"  I know you aren't in a romantic relationship but much of the information still applies... https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=62266.0

I'm so glad you decided to jump in and post.  I have found this site and it's members very helpful when dealing with my Partners undiagnosed BPD ex-wife (uBPDxw) and know this group can be of help to you too.  Please take a look around, if you are like me you will be amazed at how similar our stories can be.

Take Care,
Panda39

[pursuingJoy]

She will be at my house soon to talk about her relegations from the hospital that she needs to address why she only attracts narcissists, and she is very adamant a put me validating her assessment. If I don’t, she becomes defensive and panicked.

Hi Bananatree! Just checking in to see how you're doing. How did this visit with your friend go? We'd love to hear from you!

pj