My purpose in life was to be a good man, who would be the best husband he could be no matter what trials would come. And in this he would be a great father. A MAN. Who would raise his children to know right from wrong and teach them how to be productive members of society. Someone who could teach and show what it means to live by principle. This is always what I've wanted, since being a kid.
a divorce involves a huge identity crisis.
it isnt just a breakup.
its the loss of that purpose. the loss of a sense of self. the loss in the things you take pride in and find joy in. the loss of a deep bond with so many layers.
and it feels so defeating.
grieving all of that along with the relationship itself is an enormous undertaking.
I am told I need to find a new purpose.
sure. in a lot of ways, that is the answer. we build new lives.
easier said than done, huh.
i dont think the answer is that you just pick something, and lo and behold, you find your purpose. this is something that will occur over a long period of time, with some trial and error, and more likely than not, you will realize it more in hindsight than as its happening. there will come a day where you look at your life and realize you feel a sense of fulfillment.
a good start is to find connection to something bigger than yourself. doing so is good for growth, and tends to reveal and reinforce the best parts of you. i know that for me personally, it was getting involved here. there are lots of ways. getting involved in your church. volunteering. helping a friend in need. getting into a divorce recovery class, for example, might be a good idea.
none of it will be a silver bullet that will soothe your loss and your grief.
likely, the sense of purpose you had during your marriage did not begin over night. it was an investment that you made, thousands of times. and it may feel now, that so much of it was sunken cost.
i would argue that it probably wasnt. that a relationship not working out is not about one person as a failure of a human being. that even two people can love each other very much and desperately try to make it work, and it may not.
your purpose isnt over. it has changed.
