Stress out in the world = screaming at me

[Lola B]

We both have PTSD from several traumas, but my daughter keeps ruminating in a loop about all the traumas and gets furious when I suggest some of the “work” that one must do to climb out of the hole.

I want to say I can’t do this anymore, but the truth is I’m living through another trauma caused by her emotion dysregulation.

I say nothing unless she asks, and if she asks, I nearly always trigger abuse (verbal and emotional).

I briefly wonder what the point of existing is because adversity is unevenly experienced. (I am not suicidal)

My friend lost his middle son who was by far the child most successful and honorable.  Not that losing any child is okay, but the point I’m making is probably evident.

Her 0 to 500 mph is sickening.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

I am so sorry for what you are going through, Lola. Thanks for assuring us that you are not suicidal. It still sounds really bad though, like you could use a break. We have all been there. Is there any way of putting some distance between you and your daughter's drama for even just a little while so you can catch your breath?

[Resiliant]

"but my daughter keeps ruminating in a loop"
Hi Lola,  my son does the same.  He is constantly ruminating and it has a hold of his life. In the one book that I read, the author describes it as though there is a tape that is continuous, it goes on and on like the song that never ends.  This is something she likely does not have control of.   If only we could cut the tape and remove it...  wouldn't that be so simple?

So what if she gets furious?  Can you detach yourself from her emotions and choose not to ride her rollercoaster?

I'm sure you've read a lot about detaching with love.
What can you do outside of your life with your daughter?   How can you give yourself some space and do more things?  Having a life worth living may involve finding things to do outside the home that don't include her.  Is there something that you like to do that you can go and do - away from her and find a social group again?   What are some of your old interests that you have given up?    Has your daughter been so needy that she has become the only thing in your life?  Her emotional disregulation is consuming and draining and exhausting and I feel that you need to get away from it when you can.   Anything - even once a week to get yourself out of the house take a break from her.  Find something fun!

Sorry - I hope I didn't overstep.  It's just what has worked for me and given me strength.

All the best 

[twocrazycats]

I've been reading Pete Walker's "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" and getting a lot out of it. He talks about the kind of obsessive ruminating in a loop that you describe your daughter doing. He calls it left-brain dissociation, and says its purpose is to stay "one level above underlying pain." My daughter does this, too. When she does, I tell her it's like her brain is like a washing machine stuck on the spin cycle. I know that none of this solves the problem, but knowing that it is done to avoid unbearable pain is helpful to me. It means that my daughter is not looking for solutions when she does this. She is distracting herself from her real pain. In our situation, I try to get my daughter to face small challenges, get little things done, and focus on those. She does seem to listen to me much of the time, even if she'd never admit it. She even looked at the Pete Walker book when I told her he talks about the inner critic. For us, it is really helping that my daughter is living at college and not at home most of the time. I believe your daughter is at home, if I remember correctly?

The Pete Walker book might be worth taking a look at.

2CC