"but my daughter keeps ruminating in a loop"
Hi Lola, my son does the same. He is constantly ruminating and it has a hold of his life. In the one book that I read, the author describes it as though there is a tape that is continuous, it goes on and on like the song that never ends. This is something she likely does not have control of. If only we could cut the tape and remove it... wouldn't that be so simple?
So what if she gets furious? Can you detach yourself from her emotions and choose not to ride her rollercoaster?
I'm sure you've read a lot about detaching with love.
What can you do outside of your life with your daughter? How can you give yourself some space and do more things? Having a life worth living may involve finding things to do outside the home that don't include her. Is there something that you like to do that you can go and do - away from her and find a social group again? What are some of your old interests that you have given up? Has your daughter been so needy that she has become the only thing in your life? Her emotional disregulation is consuming and draining and exhausting and I feel that you need to get away from it when you can. Anything - even once a week to get yourself out of the house take a break from her. Find something fun!
Sorry - I hope I didn't overstep. It's just what has worked for me and given me strength.
All the best