Ignored and now blocked? Why

[Confusedguy01]

Been broken up with my ex gf, a pwBDP (diagnosed). I still love her and would love to get back together with her. In our last conversation, she angrily told me to not talk to her again, which I have respected. He placed me on ignore on Facebook Messenger, and I have still remained no contact.

Now, two months later, out of nowhere, she blocked my profile. Once again, never said anything to her at all. I still will not reach out to her on other forms, but why would she do this now?

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[GoldenBubble]

Sometimes people block so that they can quit cyberstalking someone they are obsessed with. I blocked my mother so I couldn't see her lovebombing the Golden child. It was too painful for me.

[Mutt]

Hi Confusedguy01,

In our last conversation, she angrily told me to not talk to her again, which I have respected. He placed me on ignore on Facebook Messenger, and I have still remained no contact.

I would feel worried too if I was in love with someone and the door closed it would feel like this is definitely the end - there never will be another chance. If you are giving her space - do nothing and let her come to you.

Don't worry about being blocked - just keep giving her space.

[Confusedguy01]

Still have not heard back. Think this is ok to send?

Hey. How are you doing? I dont want anything. I just hope everyone is doing ok. If this makes you made or upsets you, I'll remain quiet. Just genuinely hope you and the kids are okay and I'm here if need any help or can support in any way.

[Mutt]

How long ago was your last conversation?

You sound like a nice guy. Her thoughts about you were negative thoughts when you broke up, that doesn’t conjure good feelings about someone when you’re only thinking about negating aspects distorted or real or both.

You have to give it time for those negative thoughts to go away and have the positive thoughts about you resurface and replace those bad thoughts.

I would send such a message only if I knew for sure that she wasn’t thinking bad things about me because it’s going to work against me not for me. Wait for those bad thoughts to eventually be replaced with good ones.

[Confusedguy01]

Hey Mutt,

Thanks for the kind words and replying. Last convo was in mid September. I have kept radio silence since then. I can definitely wait longer because want it to be a good outcome. 

[enlighten me]

Hi Confusedguy01

Having just come out of a relationship and pretty much been ghosted Ive done some reading. My exgf isn't borderline but my ex wife and another exgf probably are.

My exgf that Ive just split with shows all the traits associated with a fear of intimacy. While reading there I noticed there are a lot of similarities with my UBPD exs.

When someone with a fear of intimacy get too close to someone they run. Theyre scared that reality wont live up to their fantasy. Theyre scared that we will see their deepest darkest secrets and no longer love them. They retreat to their safe place that they have know since childhood.

The thing that sucks is that for them to do this we meant a lot to them. They may stalk us online and never contact us or reply. They want to keep the dream alive but are scared to do anything. Eventually this hurts too much so they delete and block us in order to remove temptation and the reminder of what they have lost.

As much as you may love this person you may never reconnect. You illicit such hurt in them that they may never be able to communicate with you again. They have to deal with their issues before they can have a healthy relationship. And even if they do get therapy theres no guarantee things will work out.

Its sad. My exgf is the most amazing person. She is literally a female version of me personality wise. Never have I met someone that I am more suited to et I have to let her go. It will take time but eventually we all heal.

I know this advise sucks but try (easier said than done) not to dwell on it. Use this time to work on yourself. If you want to use them as your motivation (i.e. if they come back this will impress them) then do it Eventually they will not be the reason for doing things you will be doing them as you want to.