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Author Topic: Part 6: Our wedding anniversary is next week  (Read 265 times)
Stillhopeful4
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« Reply #30 on: November 27, 2019, 11:20:32 AM »

i understand that presently, that ship may have sailed. but there are a lot of reasons going forward, you may want to try.

Yes, I think that ship has sailed.  I have tried to see things from her perspective.  I do feel her perspective is distorted.  At some point I need to stand up for myself and stop letting her manipulate me (this is what my T has told me and I agree).

It's going to be a very long holiday weekend.  My daughter is away and my boys will be with their dad for most of the weekend.  I need to focus on collecting my thoughts on how I want to proceed.  At this point I don't have many choices as I have been ghosted by her.  She's blocked me on all social media and will not reply to any texts.  I have not seen her or heard from her in over two weeks.

SH4

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« Reply #31 on: November 27, 2019, 09:11:32 PM »

Dear SH4, you always have choices. I am glad you are holding it together and thinking about how you got to this point. I would accept the weekend as a gift, it is your time to think about how to move forward. I understand your anger and your frustration, but also want to ask if there is any way thinking about her perspective can help you move away from this very difficult emotional space?
Anger and bitterness binds us to a person as surely as love. At least that is my understanding of trauma bonding. Compassion helps release us and though that must start at home - you deserve a lot of love for yourself at this time - it is possible to extend it to others in a way that does not make us victims.
Is it possible for you to make plans to just go out with friends and just have fun? It sounds to me like you have had enough sorrow in your life. The pastis the past, you have a lot of work ahead of you in making your peace with it. But at the end of the day the present is all you have. Fill it with pleasant memories.
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Stillhopeful4
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« Reply #32 on: December 02, 2019, 06:36:51 AM »

Good morning,

I heard from my lawyer the day before Thanksgiving, my W has filed for divorce.  I don't know any details yet.  I'm expecting to hear from him today.  It made for a very rough Thanksgiving.  I haven't heard from her in 20 days.  I'm in a lot of emotional pain.

Thanks for listening.

SH4
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« Reply #33 on: December 02, 2019, 07:54:38 AM »

Hey SH4, super sorry to hear this even though you somewhat expected it. Hope you managed to get through the holidays okay.

Listen very carefully to your lawyer and heed their advice.

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Stillhopeful4
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« Reply #34 on: December 03, 2019, 07:00:44 AM »

Enabler,

Thank you for your advice and support.  I hope your situation improves as well.  As far as mine, I still have hope she will come around.

SH4
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« Reply #35 on: December 03, 2019, 10:29:51 AM »

Have you tried to communicate with her at all?

Not saying you should. Just asking
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Stillhopeful4
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« Reply #36 on: December 04, 2019, 07:17:17 AM »

No I have not.  Other than the few texts (over a Friday, Saturday & Sunday) I sent when I found out she called the lawyer...that was about 2+ weeks ago.  She did not respond to any of them and that's when she blocked me on all social media.  For all I know she could have blocked my phone number too.

It's been 22 days since I've seen/talked/heard from her.  I miss her and I miss DOG1 terribly.

SH4
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« Reply #37 on: December 04, 2019, 07:51:58 AM »

that's probably good for both of you at the moment and will allow the temp to cool massively.

I loath using the term self care but is it time to start something new that you've longed to do for some time yet delayed because you didn't have time?

Find some use for your spare time and energy, redirect yourself.

I'm not saying 'move on' I'm saying find something you can get your teeth into. Further education, water skiing, ice fishing.... paint the house. Something. You've had 3m of intense thinking time. Time to give your head a break now and rebuild you.
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Stillhopeful4
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« Reply #38 on: December 04, 2019, 08:57:47 AM »

Yes, I want to start taking spin classes again, so I'm going to do that.  It might have to wait until the first of the year.  My daughter and her hubby and the babies will be back early next week and staying with me for a few weeks until they get their new housing assignment at his new duty station (an hour away from me).  So I want to spend every minute I can with them and with Christmas etc it's going to be busy.  But I do intend on focusing on me much more!  Focusing on me is something I haven't been allowed to do in 23 years.  Baby steps, that's all I can do!

SH4
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« Reply #39 on: December 04, 2019, 09:34:42 AM »

We done, great plan

For what it's worth, you have been allowed to look after you for the last 23 years, you've just given too much consideration to other people who've suggested you shouldn't. Don't be a victim, you're better than that.
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Stillhopeful4
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« Reply #40 on: December 04, 2019, 11:54:33 AM »

Yes, I try hard not to come off as "the victim", which W accuses me of frequently.  But at the end of the day I am the victim of her abuse, but I allowed it.  I need to re-group and figure out where do I go from here as a person, for me!

I'm struggling with one thing...WHEN she comes back....I know it will happen...be it in a month...or 6 or 2 years....what do I do then?

SH4
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« Reply #41 on: December 04, 2019, 12:01:29 PM »

That SH4 is something you need to mentally prepare yourself for.

You know what the experience is....

I can't answer that for you, all we can do is ask you the questions that might lead to you being able to come to your own conclusions

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« Reply #42 on: December 06, 2019, 03:44:15 AM »

As far as mine, I still have hope she will come around.

if youre serious about this, is it time to get serious about a different approach?
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     and I think it's gonna be all right; yeah; the worst is over now; the mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball…
Stillhopeful4
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« Reply #43 on: December 06, 2019, 07:01:44 AM »

if youre serious about this, is it time to get serious about a different approach?

Yes, I'm serious about having hope that she comes around.  I'm not sure what different approach I can take, we haven't spoken or seen each other in 24 days, but I'm willing to give anything a shot.  Once Removed, do you have some ideas?

SH4
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