Hello! Along with
Faith, I too would like to say WELCOME!
I can certainly relate to what you are saying.
This resonated with me:
Seems like with all the drs. and therapists she has gone to,we could and should have known this a long time ago.
I have felt the same frustration, and from what I have read this is very common among parents of adult children with BPD. The good news is that you are here and prepared to learn. It took me until my son was 30 before I figured this out. There is so much to learn here.
You also said
I have read and listened to lots and lots of stuff, but when I'm talking to her I never handle it well. My brain seems to freeze, I think there is a good response that I learned but I always blow it.
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I have experienced the same. I find it much easier when we text because I can think carefully about my response, but in a verbal conversation it's much harder. It's hard because it's counter-intuitive. I practice on my husband sometimes, and it's so much easier with him. I was at a mental health conference where we had group practices and we all realized how difficult it can be. Having said that they gave us some hard ones.
You mentioned bringing up some examples. That's a great idea, I'd love to participate also.