Looking for hope

[Ocelia]

Hi,  

For 5 years my daughter had depression, anxiety and recently diagnosed BPD. We are from the caribbean, we have taken her to therapeutic wilderness summer program. We tried two months therapeutic boarding school, 8 different including some DBT, therapists in our country and in NY. It has been 5 years and she has not gotten better.

I am looking for some hope, she was 11 years old and is now 16.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Thank you for writing here and welcome.  Are you in NY currently?  We understand your frustration, but the plus side is that you are trying to get help for your child. There is hope, it's just not going to be a quick fix though .  Are you getting help for yourself as well- this is paramount to you being able to continue to help her?   Please write back to us as you are able.

[Resiliant]

Hi Ocelia,
I would like to join Swimmy55 in welcoming you here!   
Your daughter is quite young to have a diagnosis, and I see that as a good thing because you now have something to work with.  You have obviously put a lot of effort into helping her through the years.  So many parents that I have met here (including myself) did not realize that their child was dealing with BPD until their child was much older.   So many of us have done what you have, always looking for answers, something that would help.   Some things worked and many things did not. 
Here, I have found kindred spirits.  People who have had similar struggles and who understand what parents without BPD children simply cannot.
As Swimmy said, and I am sure you understand there is no quick fix.  We can and need to  learn all that we can to help our children live with their condition in the best way possible.  There is hope for them to lead fulfilling lives, but there is no magic remote control to turn off the BPD. 
If you would like to tell us more about your daughter we are here to listen and share.
Hugs to you from a Canadian Winter Texan 

[Ocelia]

Thanks for your answers, I live in the Dominican Republic and here are only two specialists with training in DBT, there is not a center of this, or many specialists, nor much experience.

To see how years have passed and we do not see significant improvements, sometimes leads me to lose the hope, my daughter has low very low self-esteem, and 4 months ago she had her first boyfriend, a young boy that is toxic and an emotional torturer, they ended the relationship and now she is worse.

She procast everything, spend the day on the computer watching series or watching social media.

Already this week I was diagnosed with depression because all of this has worn me out. Cheers,

[Swimmy55]

You have a diagnosis for yourself which means you are in therapy to take care of yourself.  This is equally as important as trying to care for our BPD child.  So it seems after this break up , your daughter is isolating.  Does she accept her diagnosis of BPD ?
I challenge you to rethink something:  I know you have stated your daughter is worse after the break up.  However, the positive is that she did break away from this toxic young man.  That is a huge accomplishment and probably is taking a lot of emotional energy out of her right now.

[PeaceMom]

I agree with Swimmy , my 19yo DD never leaves abusive relationships.  They usually finally dump her. My DD prefers abuse over being single.

If you can do your best to attend to your own needs she will see self care in action. Do you have any good self care habits on board? I do yoga, walk, meditate, get outside as much as possible, try to eat healthy and listen to uplifting music. Just being able to express your sad feelings here in this supportive space is a good place to start. It takes a lot  of courage to share on a blog.

Sending you a big ((HUG)

[Swimmy55]

Hi Ocelia,
 Please take a look under the " tools" tab here .  They give some guidance on how to communicate with out BDP people.   It also helps to read up on BPD, a good one is " Stop walking on Eggshells"  and other books recommended in the library  portion of this blog.   Please write back any time you need to, we are here for you.