If she is truly how you characterize her - toxic and a narcissist with no empathy, then why do you invite her to call you when she is ready for a relationship with you? Why?
Because I know she won't.
You are doing work on yourself. Good work. And yet when she launches her ridiculous “bait” - requests for Netflix series recommendations and such, your response is “I love you”. And then when she fails to return the sentiment, you’re understandably hurt again; and you lash out - YET...yet, you STILL tell her you’re open to a relationship IF she’s NOT seeing another man (she can ring you)
NO! My response of 'I love you' was because she was showing empathy regarding my dad and I was emotional. When she didn't respond I remembered what kind of person I was dealing with and got upset. If she isn't seeing another man, I would at least talk to her if she rang me. After all I still love the woman. However, there is a strong chance that she is and that is a betrayal I cannot stand. So if my message to her is confusing, that's because I am confused. Abuse will do that to a person - it's called being conflicted as everybody on here well knows.
Please stop. She’s either toxic and a narc who lacks empathy or she’s not. If she had said “I love you, but we do not work as a couple”, would she still be toxic and a narc who lacks empathy?
She is a toxic narc - what kind of person dumps somebody a week after a lovely holiday? What kind of person attacks somebody in front of their 17 year old daughter who they claim to love? What kind of person threatens to tell everybody in AA that a kind and loving man is an abuser? What kind of person cuts their loved one off constantly without any remorse or empathy? I love her and I hate her. I want to be friends with her and I don't. That's the grey area. That's not black and white, it's grey. I am angry and missing her - simultaneously. Al I've done is told her to stop contacting me unless she has honest intentions. If the aim is to play games I don't want her. In fact whatever the reason if my message keeps her away then that is good for me. It is not black and white it is grey. I am angry and sad. Loathing her and loving her. Grey grey grey.
You’ve got to look at the relationship you had with AA woman. It was not a good or healthy relationship. The best thing you could do for yourself would be to take NC seriously.
Don't you think I know that? Have you any idea the strength it took to even get to this position where I stand a chance of walking away and looking after myself. It's been like cutting off my right arm saying that to her, but as I said before. I am beginning to look after myself like never before.
F - you have many talents, however I’m doubtful that you’re an authority on Netflix series, are you? You cannot control what text messages she sends you, or what emails go into your spam folder. You’ll undoubtedly check those for contact. But you CAN block your phone. You CAN ensure that if she lobs a call, you don’t answer because the phone will NOT ring. This woman should no longer interrupt your healing journey.
I am a bit of an expert on Netflix series but that's neither here nor there. She could have called a dozen people and asked them that. The aim is to mess with me. Had I replied to the question she wouldn't have responded. That's the game. Ask me a question and don't reply. I'm tired of it. Even if I've misjudged the whole situation - which may well be the case. It could be that two weeks after her initial message she was opening the door to more communication. To what end? Even if I managed to talk her into getting back with me. She'd still be angry with me. Most likely more angry because I haven't chased her and she has had to admit to wanting me. That just means more extreme punishment than before. It might mean a nice couple of days in the unlikely event I get back with her. Sooner or later I'm going to be the piece of crap on the bottom of her shoe again. She is a narcissist. All she is going to do is destroy me. I nearly killed myself this time around.
I am blocked on her WhatsApp and her phone. I have been for four months. Hell would have to freeze over before she contacted me by my demand in a phone call. She'd never do it. The last time we reconnected it took me a week to convince her to come out with me. Her accusations of me being angry and difficult are all projections. She shouts at me in the street, she punches me, she devalues me, she does the discarding. I'm tired of it.
I wholeheartedly encourage you to continue posting on the detaching board. Build male friendships. Learn about yourself. Understand the value and meaning of No Contact. Please give yourself a fighting chance.
I am doing all of the above. SLAA has been encouraging me to go NC with her for six months. This is the first time I've felt able to block her. The first time I've moved towards NC. I am working on myself. Progress may be slow but I'm no longer allowing her to dip in and out of my life on her terms. I have taken back my power.
Some ex-lovers do not WANT you to get over them. They just don’t. But that doesn’t HAVE to be your problem. Let THEM roast in that stew!
So you DO understand what I've been saying. She doesn't want me to get over her as is consistent with narcissism. I'm sure she wants to hear that I'm having a rotten time and missing her dreadfully. She has heard that and she has also heard that I am no longer going to allow her to send the odd fishing expedition email. Either be a human being and talk to me, or leave me the hell alone. The reality is I'd like to tell her to go and make love to herself but I don't think that's a good idea. The closest I can get to looking after myself without driving myself nuts by not answering her - is to do exactly what I've just done. As I said above, it's not black and white - it's grey.
