Hey there! I know how hard it is to remain in full no-contact, which actually includes: No facebook, no instagram, no visiting her website, google searching photos, having no gifts of her in the house, deleting all pictures on your phone, blocking phone, text, whatsapp, telegram, email, etc. Otherwise it's minimum contact still, when you read messages that you don't answer. And that will make it an endless torment.
Even thinking about her you could still see as a "form of contact". Mindfulness can help a lot, by letting the fleeting thought of her pass by like clouds in the sky. Or by trying thought control techniques like thinking STOP each time you think of her, which can reduce the thoughts over time.
But as my previous speaker said, please forgive yourself for breaking NC. It is part of the process I guess to go there again. Especially in times of the holiday season, where close relationships are always a trigger
When you think about her, I guess your mind goes all nostalgic, you might remember the drama too, but it feels like a distant dream, where the positive sides (that also this relationship must have had) get emphazised. There will be healthier options out there. From my own experience I can say that for me it has/had to do with co-dependency and love addiction why I fell for her. You deserve better! Hold on to self-love!
