Wife with BPD took my kids away

[Elvenkind]

Hi

I met my wife 4 years ago. Our relationship quickly went down hill. Within 6 months of getting married she began having psychotic episodes that lead her to the behavioral health department on a police hold. She was only there for a couple weeks but she was psychotic for almost 2 years living at our home. It slowly dissipated. I went thru so many traumas that I am barely getting help for. Even though she is no longer psychotic, our relationship has been absolutely terrible. And I believe she is usually at least 15% disassociated living in denial about her ongoing behaviors that have disintegrated our relationship. While she was diagnosed at the behavioral department as having a personality disorder, she was discharged before it was further identified. But when i spoke to the doctor at that time I was told it was borderline personality disorder which I've come to agree with very much. We have 2 boys. 21 months and 6 months. I really do not like her as a person anymore but I still have faith that God can heal her and we can be healthy one day. She insists she has nothing wrong with her and merely PTSD or issues of her past at best. She's convinced her social circle she does not have BPD but rather has convinced them that I am the one with many problems (like drinking, verbal abusive, my childhood etc) which are the cause of our marital problems, which I must submit to you is extremely exaggerated to the point of lying. As I have over heard her phone calls which are jaw dropping. Lately she has a very victimized personality with severe self-entitlement. Marriage has been so so so hard. I've been reduced to a bread crumb. I cant express how damaged I am. I know its my fault. She just left and took the kids a couple days ago without any warning. I had no idea.  I have not heard from her. I just want to know my kids are safe and where they are. I haven't been separated from them before. I miss them. Her judgement is not always clear. Especially getting a keen sense of good/bad people. No one would ever believe me that she is not always fit to make decisions. Other people have not seen what I have seen. She acts different in front of others. Its a losing battle in this society anyway. I'm powerless at this point. I'm 35 she is 29. We live in a small town with little resources to truly help her/us. I dont know what to do anymore. Thank you for reading. 

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[bgg2745]

I have spent many years trying to make a relationship work with my BPD partner. I love her very much. She has been very sensitive to all my feelings over the years and I always was taken by this in a good way because I wanted someone who was sensitive and seemed extremely caring, it allowed me to trust her. I never really researched BPD traits until she left the 3rd time with our daughter. I have read much since then trying to understand and  think it comes down to this; She did not understand that she needed to understand me as well as she needed to be understood by me. Men do not always understand things the way you do or feel the same way about things like priorities in your life and what is more important according to you. It can be because you are different and come from different backgrounds or because we are all a little ignorant as life is a slow education as we go through it learning everyday. I became complacent not because I was tired of her but because when many of us are happy we tend to go into relax mode. This does not mean that we are ready to look in different directions but that we have finally settled in the right place with the right person. She instead became alarmed by this and I believe that her nature of sensing or over sensing that something will always go wrong kicked in. As always she experienced this within herself with very little outward emotion allowing me to believe that it was an insignificant passing phase or mood. Meanwhile inside herself she was becoming explosive to the point of leaving without even telling me even though others were made aware of this. I catered to her, I moved her into my home, I started a family at her request which I never regretted, I was going to marry as she wished but I put off a date since I wanted to be sure she could live with me a few more years comfortably without leaving again. She left, after telling me a month earlier that this was the happiest time of her life, I believed her and part of that was because I knew I had taken her further than any man had been willing to go with her up to that time, despite the evident signs of depression at times and scars. In the end I realized that even if I had added marriage to the list of all the things I had already done and been villainized for, that she would have left again. She wanted marriage badly in the end but she never understood that a man in his right mind could never understand how a great love could want to marry someone she could leave instantly. I could never have left her to go as far as I did and was about to go further. I believe she cannot be in a lasting or fully trusting relationship, that BPD which she is diagnosed for is also about living in a world of doubt despite all her sincere attempts to overcome. Even today at 50 years of age she is still combing dating sites while the years pass in endless attempts to hook up with the wish to find true love, loyalty etc., things that she is incapable of providing or maintaining. She will never achieve "the glass is full" existence, non us will, but she will never see the good in the "glass being half full" preventing her from reaching a happy or content platform in her life. She has been alone for several years now and back to the life she had before we met. She claims to want a loyal, loving honest man but I don't think most men who use her will be sold on this and if she found another willing person like myself she could not hold on anyway despite the man willing to overlook all the visible signs. As for the courts I tried getting custody but that's near impossible (see fathers rights movement) the laws are more screwed up than any mental illness and again the constitution fails.