I am in desperate need to hear from others

[1stTwin]

My twin sister had BPD and I am currently estranged from her! I cannot handle her treatment of me any longer! I was looking for a support group in my home town and came across your website and am excited to be a part of your group! I am in deseparate need to hear from others out there who have gone thru what I have with my sister! I can no longer walk on egg shells around her waiting for the next blowup with her, I just can’t handle her behavior any longer as I have dealt with it for at least 45 years! I was the peacemaker in the family, and now i’m going to take care of me! My sister and I are what’s left of our immediate family, having lost our Mom 23 yrs ago, our Dad 6 yrs ago, and our older brother 3 yrs ago. I have had guilt in even being estranged from her because it’s just the 2 of us now, but I can no longer handle her treatment of me! Thank you for listening and caring!

[Harri]

Hi and

You will find that you are not alone in having a family member with BPD or BPD traits as you settle in and read here.   We also have a lot of members dealing with a sibling with BPD.

Many of the behaviors of a pwBPD (person with BPD) can be hurtful and confusing and so very difficult to cope with.  What sort of behaviors does your sister exhibit that are most troublesome to you?  How did you learn about BPD?

I hope you share more and join in with us as we all work together to support each other. 

Again, welcome.

[1stTwin]

Thank you Harri for responded back to me! My sister’s most troublesome behavior is always trying to dominate me and being always quarrel some with me if I don’t agree with her! It is like walking on constant eggshells waiting for a time bomb to go off! It is ok with her to go off on me and say terrible things to me and I’m supposed to take it and cowtake to her, but if I after dealing with her crap get upset with her, she loses it so badly with terrible backlash that it devastated me and I go into a depression state! I have been married to a wonderful man for 41 years and she never says terrible things to me in front of him, but waits till she is alone with me! She is a practicing alcoholic, who my husband and I moved her to the town we live in 2 yrs ago after she was in treatment for 9 months and was sober for the longest I have ever seen her! She was diagnosed with BPD in that treatment center! Since we moved her out to our hometown she hasn’t been sober longer than a month and after her living with us for 8 weeks we had to tell her to move out and get her own place because she stated drinking again and being abusive of me! She has lived with us 4 times over the years and every time started drinking again and being abusive of me! I wish she had never moved to the town we now live in as she had made my life a living hell! We again are estranged since Dec 10th and I have changed my phone number and email address as she has been verbally abusive with me and also her son who we raised when he was in high school has now been verbally abusive with me! She in the last 2 days has texted my husband to say she quit smoking 7 days ago! I feel like she is trying to engage with my husband to get on his good graces, but I have asked him not to respond to her and he has agreed! I see an awesome counselor who is very supportive of me and helps me deal with what is going on in my life with my sister, but I feel like I need the support of others who have dealt with BPD family members and understand what it is like to deal with the insanity of BPD!

[zachira]

I felt really sad when I read your posts. Your sister is all you have left of your immediate family from growing up. I am in a similar situation to yours though clearly there are differences. My mother with BPD died this summer and the living members of my immediate family are my two siblings with BPD. You have noticed that your sister only acts badly when she is alone with you. In my experience with many disordered family members, I find that they are on their best behavior with people they are not close to and use alone time to mistreat those closest to them. I try to never be alone with my disordered family members and always try to have someone around that they want to look good in front of. Right now you are estranged from your sister and are very sad about it. There are no right or wrong decisions about what contact we decide to have with our disordered family members, as long as we are doing what is in our best interests. Of course, you feel sad that things have gotten to the point where you can't be around your sister. We are here to support you and listen.

[1stTwin]

Thank you Sanchira for your response! So sorry to hear about your loss of your Mother and that both of your remaining siblings have BPD. Your kind words do encourage me! At this time, I feel comfortable in having no contact with my sister, and am starting to learn that I need to take care of me! I have always been in the role of caretaker of her and actually of others, but with her it has been to my detriment!  Thank you again for your advice.

[safeplace]

Hi 1st twin. I am glad you reached out and you were heard. I think a lot of us relate to your feelings even if our circumstances are different.

This board is great!  I also found a lot of healing, fellowship and clarity by doing Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACoA) phone meetings.  They are free and you can also find face to face meetings in your area. They have helped me to focus on myself and having my own life. Good luck!