Thanks for getting it and being happy for me, Ozzie. I get used to being in the fight for so long that I experience a different level of stress or emotion when things start to move forward. I dare to have a little hope which makes me feel very vulnerable. I so appreciate you all here and the support I've found in you.
PJ, my heart just broke reading this, gives me goosebumps over my own situation. Lots of similarities except my relationship with in-laws broke down over two years ago. It will most likely not ever be repaired.
2L2L, so sorry you've been through this too. Not sure if it was the same with you, but my H and MIL are so black and white in their thinking that it creates extra challenges. Setting boundaries means I hate her, which means I should cut her off. My H has tried to corner me on numerous occasions to get me to say I don't want a relationship with her anymore. Oddly, this would provide him relief. He genuinely doesn't know how to handle a gray area of civility and occasional contact for the sake of peace.
Believe it or not, I also feel compassion for your H and MIL. It’s the natural course of life for sons to separate from their parents, some parents are unable to let go. It must be hard for him to face and feel things that may have been pushed down too far and I’m guessing it was painful to not be 100% “right” about the situation.
I so appreciate your understanding. You nailed it.
We work at the same agency and I just saw H for lunch. He didn't sleep last night and is exceptionally stressed today but is blaming it on everyday things - kids, construction at home, his job. Intuition tells me he was triggered last night but he can't look at it yet. All of his angst is pouring into these outside things. It hurts my heart to watch him struggle and hurt, but I also know it's necessary for growth.
My uBPDh’s T refused to see parental enmeshment and it was then I realized I was odd man out. His T is now one of his enablers and part of the triangulation.
Ugh. I'm so sorry. Finding a good counselor is a challenge. It took me 4 tries to find a counselor that we connected with.
Years ago I had a very wise counselor friend tell me he thought it was important for all counselors to also seek counseling. When I got to know her well enough, I had this conversation with the MC and she fully agreed. A very good friend of mine is a trained, licensed counselor but I learned quickly to carefully craft what I share because she has a very enmeshed relationship with her own mom. She perceives critiques of my MIL as critiques of her own mom. I guess they're human, just like us. I hope you haven't given up on therapy, though! It's so worth it with the right professional!