After many years of drama and heartbreak ended up realising he has BPD, need to

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi
I came here as a desperate help call... after 7 years of being in a relationship I realise that my fiancee with whom I own a house and business has BPD. I know...took me a while to figure... but now this explains all the drama, heartbreak, impossibility to have a normal discussion or come to a conclusion on anything without an out of proportions fight.
Thing is, I know I should end this as there is no way to make it work and no way to repair it... and honestly I am breaking down from all of it.
He managed to make me feel guilty for every single thing, verbal abuse and anger are an almost daily trait and I can't cope anymore. Tried to talk and it always comes back to "it's your fault". I even accepted that and said to him ok, then why keep it going? and it still can't be ended. He threatened to leave since ... well, honestly, since the first time it hit a soft spot. On the first few months of the relationship. But I always thought it was him being depressed, him being disappointed with the current situation(no job, new city, no friends, etc)... just a few steps away from achieving what we or he wanted and then it will be better. But it never was better. It got worse amd worse...not after he got a job, not after he got a car, not after we moved in in our house in a beautiful place... and I can't seem to find any way to make him reason that for the best of us both we should end it. Every time we try talking it comes back to blaming me, and I might not be an angel, but sure am not to blame for all this anger and violence making me hurt. I had moments I believed I am the crazy one... and started reading on behavioural issues ending up to fining the BPD info. Which finally made sense out of it all. Yet still need help, this is way over my head and I don't know how to be with him as whatever I do it always gets to be bad. Even following his previous preferences seems to be a hit and miss. Like he is searching for reasons to fight, but still won't let me go. And honestly am scared that if I leave he will do something stupid, cause he said "I'm depressed for months and depressed people commit suicide".
I don't know how serious that is or if just emotional blackmail, but wouldn't want to take a chance on that. I don't want him to hurt or ...anything like that.
If there is a decent way to break up, please help me find it... Cause "just leaving" (which is the last option I see) is probably not the best, but any attempt to talk about it and agree has failed...

[blueangel_]

Hi
I came here as a desperate help call... after 7 years of being in a relationship I realise that my fiancee with whom I own a house and business has BPD. I know...took me a while to figure... but now this explains all the drama, heartbreak, impossibility to have a normal discussion or come to a conclusion on anything without an out of proportions fight.
Thing is, I know I should end this as there is no way to make it work and no way to repair it... and honestly I am breaking down from all of it.
He managed to make me feel guilty for every single thing, verbal abuse and anger are an almost daily trait and I can't cope anymore. Tried to talk and it always comes back to "it's your fault". I even accepted that and said to him ok, then why keep it going? and it still can't be ended. He threatened to leave since ... well, honestly, since the first time it hit a soft spot. On the first few months of the relationship. But I always thought it was him being depressed, him being disappointed with the current situation(no job, new city, no friends, etc)... just a few steps away from achieving what we or he wanted and then it will be better. But it never was better. It got worse amd worse...not after he got a job, not after he got a car, not after we moved in in our house in a beautiful place... and I can't seem to find any way to make him reason that for the best of us both we should end it. Every time we try talking it comes back to blaming me, and I might not be an angel, but sure am not to blame for all this anger and violence making me hurt. I had moments I believed I am the crazy one... and started reading on behavioural issues ending up to fining the BPD info. Which finally made sense out of it all. Yet still need help, this is way over my head and I don't know how to be with him as whatever I do it always gets to be bad. Even following his previous preferences seems to be a hit and miss. Like he is searching for reasons to fight, but still won't let me go. And honestly am scared that if I leave he will do something stupid, cause he said "I'm depressed for months and depressed people commit suicide".
I don't know how serious that is or if just emotional blackmail, but wouldn't want to take a chance on that. I don't want him to hurt or ...anything like that.
If there is a decent way to break up, please help me find it... Cause "just leaving" (which is the last option I see) is probably not the best, but any attempt to talk about it and agree has failed...

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.