How can I get my bpd ex back I Love her I think about her too much

Right she hurt me when she was distant and I made jealous with another I know it was stupid I got her flowers and left them at her doorstep she said thanks over text and then she broke up with me I gave her space we started talking she invited me to her house I went we went to the bed room she got changed right in front of me we were laying in her bed watching a movie I asked her if she wanted to get back together and she said she wanted to see how we got on as friends and made it clear that she wasn't saying no just not right now I didn't tell her how I felt because I thought it would make things wrose I did tell her I was sorry but I don't think she believed me she drove me back home next day I messaged her told her it was good to see her and to stay in contact she texted back said she would she must want to build trust we both did things for us not to trust each other and I don't think she meant it because of bpd. But I asked someone with bpd for advice she said to give her space let her come to me and if she didn't contact me I should contact her but the person who told me that doesn't want me to get hurt but I can't let her be the one who got away I love her. At first I didn't know how much me giving her space meant to her but now I do I chased her but not to much I just want her to know I care she must know I care but I dout she thinks I love her. She had a bad childhood her dad he dad's an alcoholic and he mentally physically and sexually abused when she was a child she would stay with him at Christmas time she hates Christmas and every Christmas he gets her number off her little brother and sends her horrible messages and she keeps changing her number but he keeps getting off her little brothers and she was distant at Christmas and we broke up 3 or 4 weeks ago I just want her back I know she's a bit messed up but I love her so much if I wish I didn't love her at times because it hurts not being with her and I am scared she's going to cutt me off and stop specking to me or find someone better than me I love her I can put up with her being nasty cold hurting my feeling it's worth it because when she was happy she made me feel so good it was like I took a ectasy pill I no girl has me feel that way that's why I know I love her



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