Really need some help in how to deal/communicate with him

[peaches81]

Hi,
My fiancee has signs and symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder.
I really, really need some help in how to deal/communicate with him when he's not in a great space. At the moment I find myself getting very defensive because it all gets turned around to be my fault and I argue back and of course it just gets worse.
Any tips would be much appreciated please.
I know I need to not take it personally and I know he doesn't mean it but it's so incredibly hard to have someone who one minute is loving and affectionate and then with the click of a switch and with no idea why has completely withdrawn and won't talk to me.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Harri]

Hi peaches and welcome!

You are in the right place to get support and help with figuring out better ways to communicate with your fiancee.  We get it here and have people posting who are new to this or have worked through and learned a lot of the lessons already so you are in good company.

Can you tell us more about his behaviors that make you think he has BPD?  More details will help us get a better handle on things so we can better guide you.  We have lots of tools and strategies that can help quite a bit. 

I hope you settle in and read and jump into other threads as we all work together to support each other here.

Again,