Just curious — BPD or not BPD Traits

[UBPDHelp]

First, a big thank you to EVERYONE on this site. I have felt lost for so long...and sad, confused, hurt...

I feel much better, despite current really bad dysregulation of uBPDH. I am still terrified what my future holds (kids, finances and inevitable battle if we separate), but better nonetheless!

I also am still trying to read, understand and take it all in, so please excuse me if I’ve missed this or not connected the dots yet.

So my H has some “quirks” that I’m wondering if are BPD or just bad quirks. Hoping others can weigh in and even share experiences.

1. H needs to be first at everything (think this correlates to my previous bf, too).  I don’t mean winner so much.  First to do something, first to use the mayonnaise, first to go somewhere.
2. Along that line, every great idea was somehow his great idea. I could have thought of it but he will twist it to I wouldn’t have thought of it if HE hadn’t done X.  This doesn’t apply to just me.  He does this to everyone. It’s generally not even important things, so never seemed worthy to challenge, but another line in the sand being pushed.
3. He will NOT ever apologize. I think in 20+ years, I’ve heard him say sorry 2x and always with a caveat.
4. He doesn’t like to talk about his day (hates his job) BUT also never asks how mine was. May ask kids about school, but nothing for me.

These are just a couple...I know there are others. Love to hear any thoughts. Thanks!

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[once removed]

he sounds like a difficult person, thats for sure!

its hard to say if these are BPD traits per se, or bad quirks. people with bpd traits can certainly have bad quirks, too!

so how do you respond when these things come up?